Black Balloon

This song is hope.

Don't know why.

But so today, when I drove home from the happy land of Provo, I listened to the Goo Goo Dolls. I listen to them when I am feeling more reflective. Don't know why that was tonight. Probably because it is so cold and snowy and icy outside. Probably because I miss Provo and all my friends and sometimes I wish I could have just frozen time to keep everyone around me. To keep everyone from graduating and going different places. To keep the warm Provo summer sun shining on all the happy kids who are there to learn and grow and have too much fun with all the other happy kids.

Tonight I had dinner with Mike and Drake and I asked them how the ward is. They are still in the best ward of all time. Mike---and Drake--- confirmed to me that the ward was the best in summer of 2011--when my little crew ruled the world. 2011 could have been a frozen moment. Or better yet, epic summer 2010, as it is known to be called.

And then after dinner I went to a BYU men's volleyball game, and I remembered all the other volleyball games. The first was just after I broke up with a boy. It was a cleansing game-- the kind that reminded me of how much fun it is to just hang out with your friends with no pressure. And my friends were so happy I was with them that night. Amy kept telling me that.

Why do I have to meet new people and make new friends when I love the ones of have so much already? I have so many amazing friends and it is already so hard to keep up with them all thoroughly. Why do I need more? Why do things always need to change? And why am I already stressing out about what is going to happen in the fall when the lease on my house is up and I have to decide if I'm going to stay in here or move somewhere else? Why do these decisions have to only be up to me?

Because what is happening now? What is the plan, Audrey? What do you even want in your life that you can go and get for yourself?

All of these thoughts were swirling. And then somehow, despite any of the lyrics, Black Balloon reminded me to hope. It's like, the tune, the sound, the instruments. They just have this quality that says anything is possible.