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1. In the wise words of Lauren Conrad on The Hills, "they'll send you a text because they know that you just stopped thinking about them. It's like a radar."

2. I found the perfect description for Salt Lake boys. The Mormon Bachelor Pad blog. Remember when that was a thing in like 2010? Well, it's real life. I remembered about that blog yesterday, so I spent some productive time today on a refresher course. I now feel more fully equipped to handle man situations in Salt Lake. Because, seriously. I have never been so repeatedly confused.

Some sample textual messages:
Exhibit A:
(after a bunch of annoying texts where our plans for the next day were cancelled and he could tell I was getting frustrated with his annoyingness.)
boy: (around midnight) just been a rough night lol
me: (the next day) why rough?
boy: (the NEXT day) Cuz I didn't hang out with you lol haha
me: oh boy. what a line. :)

ARE YOU FOR SERIOUS???

same boy, but several days earlier:
me: on a scale of 1 to 10, how awesome would it be if I got a bounce house for my birthday party?
boy: Hmmm 3. I've seen them - they are ok, but they quickly become boring - or maybe 9 since you are going to be in it.

REALLY????
He then proceeded to suggest a mechanical bull. yeah, because those don't quickly become boring.

And by the way, here is the correct answer, as was provided by one favorite boy: "PERFECT 10 FOR 10."

Exhibit B: (my commentary in italics)
boy: would you say that you are on the naughty or nice list? (this one actually happened just before Christmas. And also, who asks questions like this????)
me: What??? nice. obviously.
boy: except you haven't been nice with me because you never want to hang. (I don't even know how to begin to form a response to this one. After several minutes deliberation, I decide to play nice.)
me: haha you have never asked me to hang out!
boy: hahahaa you are a feisty one! (frustration is mounting. "Feisty" is a word I generally use for small, annoying dogs. I am not happy about this. And I'm still trying to figure out what was feisty about that response. There is only one safe thing to say...)
me: :)
boy: well we need to hang (ooooh. maybe this means something will actually happen. I must be encouraging).
me: for sure! give me a day and I'll check my schedule. (because seriously, I have a lot going on all the time, somehow. And looking back, I probably should have just suggested a day or two that worked. But I'm used to BYU boys, and those boys ASK YOU ON DATES.)
boy: We have a busy woman on our hands! (and from this I read, "you are making this too hard for me, I don't want to hang out with you that bad." And then my reply would be, "your loss, dude.")

We ended up hanging out once. And it was one of the more confusing afternoons of my life. I will spare the details.

I don't even know what this is all supposed to mean. It really just means that I have run into a large number of boys that like to play and don't even commit to asking a girl on a date. But why are they so attractive??? It's like, they can get away with all this crap because girls have always allowed it. But seriously, I am not going to play games with you. If you want to get to know me better, invite me to something. Ask me out. I will more than oblige, I will reciprocate, and I will be totally straight up with you. Because seriously, I will not have annoying and cryptic text conversations where I KNOW that you are playing games.

3. The weather was nice today (a balmy 45 degrees), so we went roller blading. I have waited for 5 years to finally live with another person who owns roller blades. Why those things ever went out of style, I will never know. 

So anyway, we went for a ride. Andrea rode a bike and me and Lauren bladed. And we went around our neighborhood and visited our friends. And so begins the 2013 Wheel Gang. Official name and Constitution is forthcoming. It is a "wheel" gang so as not to discriminate against those who don't have bikes or blades. We welcome scooters and boarders and the like. One individual who is currently on the initiation list is planning to bring one of those things that you just wiggle on and it goes back and forth. He assured me that he could keep up. Another gentleman will be bringing his jeep... I might actually discriminate against that.

4. I tried to switch my iTunes to the UK version the other day. It totally works for browsing purposes...but then disappointment reaches an apex when you find out you can't buy anything because your credit card belongs to a US bank. Why don't they let us poor Americans purchase music from across the pond???? I thought that America was the land of freedom. Free to buy whatever music you want. But it is not so. 

Maybe I just need to stop loving UK pop/rap so much. Maybe I need to re-embrace American artists.

But what is happening in American music these days? Only the P!nk and Matt Ruess song. That is the only thing. Even JB is Canadian.

5. This weekend was too fast. Friday I gathered some of my favorite Salt Lake people-- my roommates, Chris, Curtis, and Mark-- to see Oz: The Great and Powerful. It was such a lovely movie. So stylistically cheesy and awesome and I loved it. When trying to convince Curtis to come to the movie I employed the following 5 reasons: 1. James Franco. 2. Mila Kunis. 3. It's both black/white and color. 4. hot air balloon. 5. Aren't you just so curious??? don't you want to know what happens???? His response: "He becomes the wizard and eventually Dorothy shows up to kill both the wicked witches. Sorry to spoil the ending." What a grinch. But he came anyway. After the movie we had a nightcap of orange juice in pretty glasses and told jokes for a while.

Saturday I went shopping for the first time since Christmas!!!! I went a little crazy. I bought a hot air balloon necklace in memory of both "Oz" and my love of hot air balloons. And then we had a birthday party for cool boy Nick. The party consisted of root beer floats, jokes, and lots of cuddles. We were supposed to play sardines at the church but the key wouldn't work after 10pm....and we found that out the hard way.

In closing, let's just say that if certain young men find this blog, I will probably be in a lot of trouble.

Sick day

Attention: post written yesterday, on Valentine's Day.

What does Audrey do when she takes the day off because she doesn't feel good?

1. She talks to herself A LOT. I've lost my voice. So it's really funny to hear myself talk. And do you want to know what instinctively comes out when I want to test my voice?? Either the phrase, "can I talk??" or that slightly creepy "Hello, Hello" song you sing in Primary when there's a new kid. Why do I start singing that song???

2. I watch old Cary Grant movies. "I Was A Male War Bride" was briliant and hilarious. I laughed my funny no-voice-laugh a million times. It starts out as your classic "we hate each other" movie and then they decide to get married. She was a Lieutenant in the US Army and he a Captain in the French. So he has to get a visa. It's all legal and everything, but then they won't let him on the ship because his papers say he is a Mrs. You can understand the problem. So they DRESS CARY GRANT UP LIKE A WOMAN. I was rolling. Watch it. Available instantly on Netflix. Made in 1949 and based on a true story.

and..... here's a taste.

3. I watch music videos. Today it was exploration of UK artists. Because I can't deny them attention. so behold. the new British invasion:

Rizzle Kicks. These are the dudes that opened for Ed. And you can totally see Ed in the background of this vid.



The Saturdays. the new Spice Girls.


One Direction. obviously.


Ed Sheeran. obviously.


Olly Murs. this dude opened for 1D and he was rad. Also check out "Troublemaker." Probably my favorite song of his.


Cher Lloyd. infectious.


Adele. doesn't really fit in this category. she is above and beyond. but still.


And the list goes on.

4. I talk to my brother on the phone. That brother of mine was like, "HOLLER IF YOU CAN HEAR ME!!" In the middle of our conversation. And I was like, "HOLLEEEERRRRRRRRR" in my almost-no-voice-that-disappears-when-it-gets-too-high-pitched. And then conversation continued like normal.

5. And then I try to get up the motivation to get out of bed and maybe do the dishes or something. But what is a sick day good for if you still have to do the dishes??

and that's about it. I keep thinking I should read a book or something... but somehow it never happens. All I want to do is go shopping, but I have told myself not to buy any more clothes until Spring is legitimately in the air.

Tonight I'm going to eat dinner with my girl Lauren and then we're going to "Safe Haven" (not my pick) with our fave home teacher, Chris. Seriously one of my favorite people in my ward. Maybe he'll be my Valentine. Attention Rachelle: he looks like a mix between (speaking in code now) that one boy you dated who got engaged on campus while his fiance was wearing her backpack and that other boy you only KIND OF dated who has the same first name as that other boy that you actually did date but then everything blew up bad. Get the picture?

And now I present to you a small sample of textual interactions of the sick day (any other social happening was limited, don't judge):

1. This text from my favorite boy, who I kind of wish was my Valentine: "...being in DC reminds me of you and then a Queen song came on in my head which made me think again. Happy Valentine's day to you!"

2. And then this convo with the one and only Mike Poulson.

Mike: Audrey....
Me: Yeah?
Mike: nothing. I just wanted to text your name with an angry inflection.
Me: Too bad I didn't read it that way. But why angry?
Mike: It was a sudden impulse. No explanations. But now that we're talking, how are you today?
Me: home sick. in bed.
Mike: homesick or at home, sick?
Me: At home, sick. I am going to St. George tonight, though.
Mike: both things sound unfortunate.

I don't know why I still talk to him.

3. Nathan: did you stay at home?
Me: yep. unfortunately.
Nathan: That sounds like it's no fun...except you have a 30 day weekend.  (it's really 5 days)
Me: yeah, but I'd rather have the days spread out.
Nathan: but sick days aren't worth anything if you don't use them.
Me: exactly why I'm still in bed.
Nathan: lol, dork

hey, now. That was uncalled for. not really sure why I still talk to him, either.

4. Elise: I got asked out today by a 32 year old neuro-surgeon from LA for dinner tonight. On Valentine's day. Omg...
Me: So did you say yes? How was dinner?

no response. so rude.

And I guess that's about it. The lame day of a lame Audrey.

hahahahahahah get it? get the pun??