Friday, February 15, 2013

Sick day

Attention: post written yesterday, on Valentine's Day.

What does Audrey do when she takes the day off because she doesn't feel good?

1. She talks to herself A LOT. I've lost my voice. So it's really funny to hear myself talk. And do you want to know what instinctively comes out when I want to test my voice?? Either the phrase, "can I talk??" or that slightly creepy "Hello, Hello" song you sing in Primary when there's a new kid. Why do I start singing that song???

2. I watch old Cary Grant movies. "I Was A Male War Bride" was briliant and hilarious. I laughed my funny no-voice-laugh a million times. It starts out as your classic "we hate each other" movie and then they decide to get married. She was a Lieutenant in the US Army and he a Captain in the French. So he has to get a visa. It's all legal and everything, but then they won't let him on the ship because his papers say he is a Mrs. You can understand the problem. So they DRESS CARY GRANT UP LIKE A WOMAN. I was rolling. Watch it. Available instantly on Netflix. Made in 1949 and based on a true story.

and..... here's a taste.

3. I watch music videos. Today it was exploration of UK artists. Because I can't deny them attention. so behold. the new British invasion:

Rizzle Kicks. These are the dudes that opened for Ed. And you can totally see Ed in the background of this vid.

The Saturdays. the new Spice Girls.

One Direction. obviously.

Ed Sheeran. obviously.

Olly Murs. this dude opened for 1D and he was rad. Also check out "Troublemaker." Probably my favorite song of his.

Cher Lloyd. infectious.

Adele. doesn't really fit in this category. she is above and beyond. but still.

And the list goes on.

4. I talk to my brother on the phone. That brother of mine was like, "HOLLER IF YOU CAN HEAR ME!!" In the middle of our conversation. And I was like, "HOLLEEEERRRRRRRRR" in my almost-no-voice-that-disappears-when-it-gets-too-high-pitched. And then conversation continued like normal.

5. And then I try to get up the motivation to get out of bed and maybe do the dishes or something. But what is a sick day good for if you still have to do the dishes??

and that's about it. I keep thinking I should read a book or something... but somehow it never happens. All I want to do is go shopping, but I have told myself not to buy any more clothes until Spring is legitimately in the air.

Tonight I'm going to eat dinner with my girl Lauren and then we're going to "Safe Haven" (not my pick) with our fave home teacher, Chris. Seriously one of my favorite people in my ward. Maybe he'll be my Valentine. Attention Rachelle: he looks like a mix between (speaking in code now) that one boy you dated who got engaged on campus while his fiance was wearing her backpack and that other boy you only KIND OF dated who has the same first name as that other boy that you actually did date but then everything blew up bad. Get the picture?

And now I present to you a small sample of textual interactions of the sick day (any other social happening was limited, don't judge):

1. This text from my favorite boy, who I kind of wish was my Valentine: "...being in DC reminds me of you and then a Queen song came on in my head which made me think again. Happy Valentine's day to you!"

2. And then this convo with the one and only Mike Poulson.

Mike: Audrey....
Me: Yeah?
Mike: nothing. I just wanted to text your name with an angry inflection.
Me: Too bad I didn't read it that way. But why angry?
Mike: It was a sudden impulse. No explanations. But now that we're talking, how are you today?
Me: home sick. in bed.
Mike: homesick or at home, sick?
Me: At home, sick. I am going to St. George tonight, though.
Mike: both things sound unfortunate.

I don't know why I still talk to him.

3. Nathan: did you stay at home?
Me: yep. unfortunately.
Nathan: That sounds like it's no fun...except you have a 30 day weekend.  (it's really 5 days)
Me: yeah, but I'd rather have the days spread out.
Nathan: but sick days aren't worth anything if you don't use them.
Me: exactly why I'm still in bed.
Nathan: lol, dork

hey, now. That was uncalled for. not really sure why I still talk to him, either.

4. Elise: I got asked out today by a 32 year old neuro-surgeon from LA for dinner tonight. On Valentine's day. Omg...
Me: So did you say yes? How was dinner?

no response. so rude.

And I guess that's about it. The lame day of a lame Audrey.

hahahahahahah get it? get the pun??

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

True story.

This conversation took place with my coworkers today. I want to say that names have been changed, but they haven't. This is because the story is mostly about me.

Some background: John hates Valentine's Day. He think it feels contrived and that his wife already knows that he loves her. And he doesn't need a special day to show it. Liz hates Valentine's jewelry commercials and their stupid tag lines. I'm unsure of the reason for this.

And so the conversation went as follows:

John: I hate Valentine's day.
Liz: I hate jewelry commercials.
Jason: But then you can't go to Jared!
Me: (yelled over the cubicles--- I couldn't actually see these people) Yeah, every kiss begins with Kay!!
Me: (to Brooke, who I could see) Oh Em Gee, I'm so glad that every kiss DOESN'T begin with Kay.
Brooke: What?
Me: There would be a whole lot less kisses in the world.
John: Yeah that would be bad.
Brooke: every jewelry store would have to start with "K."


Me: (still processing. and then, in my best explanatory and exclamatory voice:) OH MY GOSH EVERY KISS DOES BEGIN WITH "K"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(John bursts out from behind the cubicle wall, on his wheeled desk chair)
John: What did you just say??????

Extreme laughter from all parties at the expense of Audrey.

I can't believe I never understood that before.

This is like the day when I realized why "The Biggest Loser" is called "The Biggest Loser."

And just for the record, I love Valentine's Day and everything about it. Because why wouldn't I want an extra reason to remind everyone that I love them?

Also just for the record,


I feel like this song, WAY MORE than "Suit and Tie," is what we were all waiting for. It's like a hint of classic JT but with some new swag flavor.

And this:

And also this:

Phillip Phillips is coming to Orem in March. And guess who is going to be there? This girl.

Friday, February 8, 2013

The concert.

The dude seriously records the sound of his Rice Krispies in the morning and then freestyles to it.

At the beginning of his tour for "+" he did a concert in Birmingham and at the beginning asked the crowd to part and then set up a table in the middle of the floor and just stood on it with his guitar and performed the whole thing acoustically without a microphone. in the middle of the crowd. would that not be the coolest thing of your whole life???

Some videos. If you watch one of them, please let it be the second one. Or the third.

A great interview:

A great studio session:

And another great studio session:

I watched these sorts of things. live.

It was the best concert I've ever been to. Let's recap the other concerts I have seen: NSYNC, BSB, One Direction, Neil Diamond, Beach Boys, Goo Goo Dolls....and I don't remember what else. I loved the Backstreet Boys concert. It rocked. It was a dream come true.

But Ed was just a different story. He wrote these amazing songs and then he performed them, on his own, with no band, and I was just standing there, smashed in the crowd, with my fists clenched and my mouth open. The whole time.

Lauren and I got there a little over an hour early and found my friend Candace in line. We were so lucky to have her. She was towards the beginning of the massive line and we got excellent placement in the crowd once they opened the doors.

We did not stay in that excellent place. I have never experienced such pushing. People started pushing towards the front the moment the place started to fill up. It was a little insane. And I started to lose it a little bit. I don't think I've ever been so mean in my life. But when you are in this sort of situation, you have to hold your ground, dang it! If you let everyone in front you that tries to push forward, you will end up at the very back of the crowd, which would be no bueno!! One girl was like, "can I get between you guys?" Because she and her girls were trying to find their friends up at the front. I said no. She was like, "but I need to find our friends." And I flat out said, "they have literally saved a bubble of space up their for you? Because there is no room." She was like, "WHAAA?" And I said, "you can go up there if you want, but you'll have to find a different way."

I took a picture to commemorate the small air bubble in front of me for a couple minutes. And that girl's hair, btw, was OUT OF CONTROL and in my face LOTS.
After a while Lauren and I started to feel like we are getting too old for this.
Lauren, Candace, me.

But we had our matching shirts on and we were just SO EXCITED to see Ed.

There were two opening acts. The first one was boring-ish and the only thing I could think was that opening acts are the worst idea in the history of mankind. But then the second one was good. Both openers were British, which was cool, but then they spoke so fast that we couldn't understand them when they said their names. It was difficult. But we figured out that the second was called Rizzle Kicks. They were UK rapper dudes. Zac Taylor would have loved them. And they grooved. I was excited.

And then Ed appeared. He opened with "Give Me Love" and I about died.
Ed in blue.

And then the set list included "Drunk," "U.N.I.," "Grade 8," "Small Bump," "Kiss Me" (again, I die.), "Lego House," "Wayfaring Stranger" (not an Ed original, btw), "Gold Rush," "You Need Me, I Don't Need You" (which went on for like 10 minutes), a traditional Irish piece (I wish he would have closed with this), and finally, "The a Team."
oh hello there Ed.

He kept telling everyone to sing instead of scream and he would give us harmonies. And then for the slower, sweeter songs, he just told everyone to be silent--almost like it was reverent. It was really cool. And he would sing and play and loop his stuff like in those videos.
They should pay me for taking a picture this good.
Ed waving good bye

When it ended Lauren and I were speechless. We wandered back to the car, and while we were waiting in the parking lot for literally 1 hour before we could pull out, we listened to the whole album again. And it was like magic.

Oh, and Saltair was pretty cool. I'll have to go out there again because it was SO FOGGY that I swear I couldn't even see the whole building, nor the surrounding areas (namely, the lake).

So if you ever get the chance. Buy tickets to see Ed.

at the end... :(

the shiny gold thing??? That's about the only part of the building we could see.

waiting in the car, very sleepy.
And also. "The a Team" is nominated for Song of the Year at this year's Grammys. And Ed's performing. So watch it.

And a last note: Someone asked in an interview what he has spent his money on since becoming rich and famous. He was like, "well, someone gave me a Ralph Lauren sweat shirt that I really liked... so I bought 7 more in different colors." Who does that???