Friday, February 28, 2014

“I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future.”

February is a short month anyway.

You know how you work full time and you don't sleep that great and you just always have things to do (or else you purposefully don't have things to do, and you are still EXHAUSTED), and then it comes to Friday and you get home and you're like, "FREEEEDOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ???? And you sit down on your lovesac with your crocheting and catch up on all your sitcoms and the best of Jimmy Fallon from the week, and then you realize you are hungry, so you stick a spaghetti squash in the oven and eat some ice cream and cookie butter while you are waiting (for a whole hour), and then you do the dishes, chat with your roommate, and it's still only 9:00pm, and you think WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE???

I should have had a plan B for the evening. I should have at least tried to make plans. I really only needed like 2 hours to unwind, not 6.

For real.

And now I'm just sitting, thinking about my life and what I want, and usually the only thing I think of is  to write.

And so I write a bunch of nonsense, because I really have nothing and everything to say, and it's one of those times when my brain just feels like it's going in circles and can't really pick one thing to think because there's just too many things. And then I worry that I won't sleep because of all the things. And then I realize I've probably been alone for too long, but being around people doesn't sound desirable either. And it's late anyway. And then I just want my mom.

But then through all of it, the thought pervades: tomorrow I will wake up and have good things to do. Places to be and people to see and I have another chance to be productive and be motivated and accomplish what I want to.

And then I wonder why I beat myself up so much over spending some time by myself and just taking a chill pill. Why do I feel guilty when I stay in on a Friday night and do basically nothing? Why do I feel judged when my roommate comes home and sees me watching TV? Why do I need to explain myself and/or have to talk myself into thinking that it's okay, that I'm okay? Why do I feel like I need to be doing something social, and have the approval of others, and create new stories to tell, to feel worthwhile and productive? Why isn't doing a craft and making a healthy dinner and doing the dishes and all my laundry enough for a Friday night?

Is it because I operate on a tight schedule of activities and events that I have scheduled for myself or other people schedule for me, and when there is a gap in that schedule, I am relieved, but then just get WAY TOO overwhelmed when that gap is too long? Or because I've just been taking too many time-outs lately, and I'm actually getting bored? (but I'm so tired! All the time!) Or is it the singular fact that I planned on going to the gym, but then I didn't, and that makes me a complete failure at life?

It's just that brain, running around in circles again.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Saturday, February 8, 2014

I want that sweater.

USA Olympic sweaters_Polo

Have you ever seen anything so American? It's so 1992 or something. Which makes it SOOOOO 2014.

Apparently there was a lot of heat on Twitter. People don't like the sweaters? Think again, you. And check out this link:

The American athletes looked like party animals compared to everyone else at the opening ceremonies. And even that is American.

And I found the sweater on ebay for 2 grand. They are hand-sewn. So, yeah.


1. Pompeii:

And the walls kept tumbling down
In the city that we love
Great clouds roll over the hills
Bringing darkness from above

But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

2. Flappy Bird. 

I hate it I hate it I hate it.
But I want to play it all the time. 
It's the dumbest game and it's the hardest and I hate it so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

3. I made these sour cream enchiladas yesterday, and they were delicious. Caution: this is the picture from pinterest,  but mine turned out to look about as good. I just left off the dollop of sour cream on the top and used avocado instead. And I didn't take a picture.

4. I TRIED ANTI-GRAVITY YOGA THIS WEEK AND IT CHANGED ME. We did all sorts of upside-down things, and I wasn't nervous about it at all, it was just the coolest! At the end of the class we just curled up in our silks like a cocoon for Savasana, and I could have slept there all night. The teacher came around a wafted lavender and peppermint in our faces, you know, for relaxation, and the whole time I was thinking, how can I do this every day? How can I save up all my money just to spend it here, at the Imagination Place? That is seriously what it is called. 

5. I was in St. George last weekend and we hiked the temple quarry trail. I do not know what I would do without my mother and my sisters. Shrivel up, probably. :)

6. Went ice skating with my ward on Monday. It was only appropriate to head out to the Olympic Oval the week of the Sochi Olympics! (more to come on that, later)

I brought Amy with me. She is an aspiring Highland YSAer.
Why do people always take such blurry pictures?? I can't instagram that!

7. BYU game with Nathan on Thursday. I don't know how I got talked into that one (it was a late game and I was already falling asleep on the drive to Provo), but it turned out really fun, and it'll probably be my last BYU basketball game this year. 
Can you see The Fury?
8. Every once in a while I get a bug to watch Hannah Montana. Yeah, I don't know. So I found a listing of all the episodes with Jake Ryan in them. Add "Me and Mr. Jonas and Mr. Jonas and Mr. Jonas" and you have all the best episodes!