Monday, January 2, 2012

I love technologyyyy, but nottttt as much as you, you see....

I just tried to go to the temple. My first act on the first weekday of the year. Wanted to start things out right. Well guess what. It was closed. Because today is kind of a holiday I guess.


But then I got to thinking, what about that technology huh? I was talking on a phone in my car. Let's take a trip to pre-cell phone, pre-voicemail, pre-caller ID (I know, what a concept), pre-internet, pre-facebook, pre-laptop computer days. Are you imagining dreadful things? I am.

Imagine trying to date... without any of these things. How in the world is a boy supposed to get a hold of you? What if you are in college, in a dorm room? And you are only there like 1% of the day? (while you are sleeping) And you don't have voicemail, so how do you know he called while you were gone? omg, he would have to actually COME TO YOUR HOUSE to see you. And if you weren't there, he would have  WRITE A REAL NOTE TO PUT ON YOUR DOOR!

What if a boy is out of town and wants to contact you-- to remind you that he exists? How is he supposed to go about doing that? We already discussed the ineffectiveness of calling-- you are never at home. He can't text you. He can't email you. He can't write on your wall. He can't gchat with you. He can't comment on your blog. He can't skype you. No facetiming. He can't like something of yours on Pinterest. He can't even send you a facebook message that is private only to your eyes! He can't even mention you in a tweet! He would have to WRITE YOU A LETTER, and it could take WEEKS to get to you! Oh the tragedy of it all!

What if you are driving in your car, or you are out someplace, and YOU need to contact said boy? But you don't have a cell phone. You don't even have some sort of smartphone device that you could use to send him a message in all the billion ways mentioned above. And remember, you are in your car. SO. What are the chances that you are going to remember to call him from your land line by the time you get home? There are at least one million other things to remember at any given moment. What if you get inside the door and you see the kitchen and suddenly you are hungry? But then you have to pee because you see the bathroom? But then you remember that you are SO SICK of wearing the shirt you are wearing and you have to change that very instant? And then that song you listened to in the car is in your head and you HAVE to find out immediately who sings it and what it is called so you can (look it up on iTunes and buy it) run back out to the local record store and buy the single version, because you probably like the b-side too? But then your roommates start talking to you and they all met a boy in class today and he was cute, but he didn't get their number, and now they have to wait until next week to hear from him because that's when they have class next, and they can't even look him up on facebook to add him (to show they are slightly interested) and/or so they can show you how attractive he is because FACEBOOK doesn't exist! And then you realized that your show is starting, and you have to watch is RIGHT THEN because you can't catch it on hulu the next day. It's not going to be instantly streaming on netflix next month. You aren't going to be able to find a weird downloadable copy from some shady website like or (which are both shut down, btw. booooo). You can't even tivo/dvr it!! So you settle down with your dinner, newly changed-into shirt, and flattened bladder to watch, oh I don't know, I Love Lucy, and THEN you remember you need to call the boy. But then you have to wait until a commercial break, but then what if the phone call takes longer than the break? You can't even PAUSE your TV so that you won't miss anything. You can't text said boy and tell him you will call him later, and that if you don't, he can call you after 8pm (when your show is over). So anyway, then you forget to call the boy again by the time the show is over, and the whole process starts over again. And you never call the boy. Because modern technology doesn't exist, and you NEVER get married.


WHOA. What a troubled, complex world our parents were raised in. I do have to say, though, that both you and boy have several LEGITIMATE excuses for any lack of- or mis-communication without all of these modern communication conveniences. That is a luxury that us young people of the 21st Century don't have. If someone doesn't text you back within the hour, it is safe to assume that either they, or their phone, is dead. For realsies.

The scenario could also play out like this: you text said boy at a stoplight. The end. OR You call said boy the moment you remember (and you simply turn down your radio, because you have already used that handy app on your phone that identifies songs for you), and you have a lovely chat while you drive home. Then you walk in the door, change your shirt, buy said song on iTunes (takes 3 seconds), use the restroom, pause the show while you are making dinner, sit in front of the television while eating your dinner, checking facebook, writing on your blog, pinning, and texting said boy. And you can even watch another show on your laptop while the one on television is on commercial (if you hadn't saved up enough time to fast forward through them while you were making dinner). You could even pause the show for a second so you can listen to a song clip on iTunes. You could do all your shopping on amazon, check your bank account, check any one of your 4 email accounts, check the Billboard hot 100 (that updates every Wednesday), check on your fantasy team, send a tweet or two, or catch up on the latest news. The options are endless. And this is all during that one tv show that you are watching. Technology brings multi-tasking to a whole new level.

So anyway, like Kip said in Napoleon Dymanite circa 2004(?)---one sec, let me check either wikipedia or imdb for that date.... yep, it was 2004 (ps, did you know that if you type in "napoleon" as a search term in google, "dynamite" is an option before "bonaparte"? Look who's famous now). I'm such a good guesser/rememberer---"I love technology." I do, I really do. But it can also be overwhelming. Would you not agree? I mentioned the bare minimum of situations in this post. I didn't even touch the world of iPads or iPods or YouTube or eBooks and associated eReaders. Didn't even cover lots of stuff. I barely mentioned smartphones, let along the singular iPhone. And I didn't mention most of the perks of having a laptop and laying in bed while enjoying the latest webisode of Very Mary Kate the moment you wake up in the morning. Or the modern ease of making your own movies and producing your own music, and then posting it on any one of the many Web 2.0 sites built for sharing things with the world.

Anywho, happy new year. One of my resolutions is to limit my use of technology. Not limit it too drastically-- I need my laptop and my cellphone and my iPod to survive the day. But maybe I'll go on a facebook fast for like 3 days (then I'll have a million notifications once I finally sign back on!) or I won't watch Netflix Monday through Thursday or something.

Ya'll are probably thinking I'm such a sloth. And sometimes, yes. Like sometimes over Christmas break when your roommates are gone and you have the day off, yes. But I promise that I have 12-hour work days (3 hours of which are on the bus, and I can use technology to keep me company) during which I work very hard, and I am very social when I come home. I go REAL shopping, I go to church, I plan parties, I scrapbook, I work out, I have lots of friends, etc. BUT I do love technology. Probably too much.

Also, if you want to read this as a satire or severe sarcasm, be my guest.

I'm just saying that yours is a sad life indeed when the worst thing that happened to you all day was that your computer died while you were watching a movie on netflix and you had to restart everything and it took a WHOLE 5 MINUTES to reboot because your macbook is 4 years ancient, and it was all because you were too lazy to get out of bed and get your charger when the little "reserve battery now in use" message popped up to give you a 9-minute warning.

And that's another thing. Is it not the WORST THING EVER when the internet is BEING SLOW? And you have to WAIT for a page to load? Or when there's a facebook update and things change, and you have to adjust to a new layout? (speaking of which, how do you all feel about the new timeline thing? I'm skeptical. Is it something I should switch to now because I won't have a choice later, or will I be able to stay old school forever?) Also, google has been doing some weird stuff. I kind of hate the new look that gmail is sporting. And it took forever to adjust to the new google image search thing. It still does weird things when I try to drag and drop images. Not too happy with you, google, not too happy. Also not too happy about the way you stole android technology from Apple OR the way your google+ is trying to kill facebook. Here's a hint: it's never going to work!!!! Facebook is all-powerful and it changed the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (see, I hate google, but I use it at least 80 times a day. And google Chrome is so stinking FAST!)

And raise your hand if you always want to wear a hoodie except they are kind of sloppy and you can't put them on after you have already done your hair or make-up or both because it'll mess everything up, but you can't put it on BEFORE you get ready because then it gets WAY too hot or else the hood gets in the way while you are trying to blow dry your hair upside down.

I have problems.

Whatever. Peace.

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