Heaven

is St. George. And my family. Rolled into one.

This weekend, when I was home, we went to Snow Canyon State Park and ran around on the rocks. And really it just turned into a huge photo op. I made all my family members pose in the distance with epic scenery behind them. And this is what we came up with. You can see it as a small tutorial on how to imitate the current internet photo trends-- you know, planking, tebowing, owling (and we added young woman-ing and flamingo-ing and yoga-ing).

See for yourself.

Tebowing

Owling (if you can zoom in, you HAVE to see her owl face. love you mother)

This is how the girl on the old personal progress necklaces was posed. She was hot. obviously.

my dad invented flamingoing. We settled on this after we vetoed his "wheedling" idea. I can't believe I just typed that word. Eww. 

so handsome.

my and my father. He is wearing his "Audrey hat." that's seriously what he calls it.

and Moriah is performing the infamous "plank" in a slightly precarious location.

Elise tried to make us do yoga. We would only do this one move. So I just took a picture of the instructor.

DID I FORGET TO MENTION PHOTO BOMBING???? Mom and Dad wanted to take a picture of themselves. It was not to  be done. We bombed it to smithereens.

this is a secret photo bomb. Can you spot it? Can you see Elise lurking?

And this is our attempt to get everyone in the picture. Way to get only yourself Dad.

I love it. And now you wish you were in my family, because we are awesome. But we missed our brother and our Mal pal. They will come next time, I am sure. :)

Grammys 2012.

Love this recap of the grammys.

Some highlights:

1. major praise of Adele (which I am always in favor of)
2. Some hating on Chris Brown, which is hilarious.
3. Some talk about how Nicki Minaj should have checked the Madonna catalog of performances before choosing the theme for the monstrosity of a performace that she released on the grammys.
4. Some ripping on coldplay for producing boring songs since Chris Martin married Gwyneth. WOOhoo.
5. MANY comments on the random combinations of performers... aka that old lady and Alicia Keyes. Or Adam Levine, the Beach Boys, and the cute Foster the People guy. WTR (what the random).
6. A lot of talk about Bruno Mars and his cocaine habit. Which isn't funny... but somehow... is.
7. Praise to the grammys for NOT focusing on Lady Gaga for once.
and last,
8. A lot of reverent moments for Whitney Houston, and Jennifer Hudson's beautiful memorial performance.

But you should read the whole thing. It's so darned funny. Especially if you watched the entire 3 hours of the grammys this year like I did...

Oh and Adele won 6 awards... that ties for the most awards won by a female in 1 night. Beyonce set the record in 2009 (?).

I love pop. and I love pop culture. whoop whoop.

And one quote to inspire you:
" I re-reverse my opinion after Adele thanking "all of you lot." British accents are the most charming and Adele is the most beautiful talented angel and if anyone says anything negative about her I will smash their brains in with a Grammy."

January

1. This is how I'm going to live my life in 2012.

I am going to live every week like it's shark week.

I have to appreciate every moment while it's there. No regrets. I should do as Mad-Eye Moody (aka Barty Crouch Jr.) admonishes, and have CONSTANT VIGILANCE. Because you know what I realized this year? New Years' Eve isn't about celebrating the year that is ending. It's not about endings at all. It's not about remembering all the times you slacked off during the past year. It's about new beginnings. It's about moving forward; learning from the past to make the future brighter. And that's what I'm going to do this year. That's why 2012 is going to be so great. Because even though I love history and practically live in the past as a profession, that doesn't mean that I can't see the future for it's brightness and potential. 2012 is a new beginning-- the doorway to something exciting. I just don't know what that is yet. But it's my responsibility to make it rock.

(PS I wrote this on New Years' Day. It had some planned addendums and additions that never happened... so that is what we are left with. And I think I still got my point across.)

2. THE BRILLIANT MR. RYAN TEDDER. Look up his discography. You'll see several hits, which include, but are not limited to, Beyonce's "Halo," Leona Lewis and "Bleeding Love," Adele's "Rumour Has It" AND "Turning Tables," almost the entire OneRepublic catalog (which I'm in love with btw), Jordin Sparks, "Battlefield," Kelly Clarkson, "Already Gone," Hilary Duff's "Gypsy Woman" (perhaps the greatest Hilary Duff song, if the word "greatest" can be applied to ANY of her songs), various unheard of Backstreet Boys recordings, some of my fave Adam Lambert songs, and drumroll please..... "The Way I Are." Timbaland. Only one of the greatest songs of the 2000s. Oh wait, like 5 of these songs are on the VH1 list. Anyway, this man is a hero of a songwriter and producer, and I've been in love with his talent for like the past 6 months, but have failed to mention so on this blog. So. For real. Pay attention to this guy.

Also, I've had OneRepublic's Dreaming Out Loud, made in like 2007, in my car's CD player not stop for like the past month. And um, unless you're name is Michael Jackson, that is a really rare occurrence in my car. And I haven't even gotten sick of it! It's mellow (which is also rare for me), but so beautiful and still exciting and I love it. And I would love to see OneRepublic in concert. Would love to. I would love to watch the genius of Ryan Tedder in person.

And that is all. 

3. So I've been sick the past couple of days.... and that makes me grumpy. And it makes it harder to handle all the other responsibilities in life. Like, we had the For Like Ever 2012 party on Friday, and I was honestly tempted to cancel the whole thing because I felt so crappy and tired and I knew that it would be a disappointment because my one and only Lene would not be present (which was true, btw, it was a disappointment without Lene. But I don't regret having the party... it was fun despite the illness). Oh, and pictures to come.

4. Good news. I've almost completely stopped watching Netflix. And 30 Rock is back on. And when 30 Rock is on, I forget that there are any other shows on television, besides American Idol, of course. But seriously, though, I have had a hard time with American Idol this year because my evenings are just so dang busy! I always miss it. I was only able to watch 1 hour of Hollywood Week this year. Shame of all shames. I love group round. And I missed all the performances. I think I might write to Congress and then show up on the Capitol steps to lobby for a bill to be passed requiring American Idol to post their shows on Hulu the next morning. Because it is just a tragedy when people like me have to miss the show, and then they can't even make it up!!! I JUST WISH I HAD TIVO OR DVR OR SOMETHING!

5. I don't even know what else happened last month. It was cold. And I went to work, and then I came home. I went to my some intramural dodgeball games. That was fun. I went on some dates. Hung around a lot, trying to keep warm. I went to Cafe Rio a couple of times. I hung out at a friend's cabin for a weekend. And went shopping in Park City. And I went to some sweet BYU basketball games (St. Mary's and Gonzaga)--- I was hooked up with some awesome seats. And I let my room get a little too messy, a little too often. February definitely has some room for improvement. :)

6. Oh and guess what. My phone broke last week. So I'm using an awful temporary one. And I might buy an iPhone. Because I want one. But I definitely don't want to pay for a data plan.

7. And last: Meghan and Joey are engaged! WOOT WOOT! August 18th errabody!

Anywho. Peace.

My three favorites.

These are my favorite boys.  And quoted: "Audrey, I feel like we are our worst selves around you."

Holy, rude you guys. I tell them when their jokes are semi-propriate (but when I laugh first, they ignore the reprimand and continue). And they make fun of everything I say. And they like to bring up my more embarrassing moments of the last several months in front of people who don't know what they are talking about. Example, "so one time we were hiking Timp, and Audrey blacked out." NOT TRUE. And "hey Audrey, you're shinscles are showing." (People, namely Bishop Kendall, get really confused about this one. Shinscles are the muscles on my shins). Or "So remember when you and Mike were scooping in the kitchen?" (Ben: "it's the ambiguity that makes it funny!!!") Here's a hint: me and Mike were scooping ice cream for ourselves and the other two clowns. Or last, "Don't worry, Audrey holds hands with everyone!!!!" Also not true. There were unfortunate accidents with the three of them... that weren't real. Do haunted houses really count? Or hiking over glaciers so you hold hands for safety? 

But I love my fan club.

Oh and Mike made me this:

One time he was trying to coerce me into wearing a certain hat to a certain Michael Jackson Immortal World Tour. I told him I was going to forget to wear it on purpose. He told me that if I did that he would rip this thing off my door. So I promised I would wear the hat (I didn't...). And he said, "I knew those paper people were too important to you!" Of course they are important. My paper person gets to hang out with Jimmer and Bieber. 

I love technologyyyy, but nottttt as much as you, you see....

I just tried to go to the temple. My first act on the first weekday of the year. Wanted to start things out right. Well guess what. It was closed. Because today is kind of a holiday I guess.

boo.

But then I got to thinking, what about that technology huh? I was talking on a phone in my car. Let's take a trip to pre-cell phone, pre-voicemail, pre-caller ID (I know, what a concept), pre-internet, pre-facebook, pre-laptop computer days. Are you imagining dreadful things? I am.

Imagine trying to date... without any of these things. How in the world is a boy supposed to get a hold of you? What if you are in college, in a dorm room? And you are only there like 1% of the day? (while you are sleeping) And you don't have voicemail, so how do you know he called while you were gone? omg, he would have to actually COME TO YOUR HOUSE to see you. And if you weren't there, he would have  WRITE A REAL NOTE TO PUT ON YOUR DOOR!

What if a boy is out of town and wants to contact you-- to remind you that he exists? How is he supposed to go about doing that? We already discussed the ineffectiveness of calling-- you are never at home. He can't text you. He can't email you. He can't write on your wall. He can't gchat with you. He can't comment on your blog. He can't skype you. No facetiming. He can't like something of yours on Pinterest. He can't even send you a facebook message that is private only to your eyes! He can't even mention you in a tweet! He would have to WRITE YOU A LETTER, and it could take WEEKS to get to you! Oh the tragedy of it all!

What if you are driving in your car, or you are out someplace, and YOU need to contact said boy? But you don't have a cell phone. You don't even have some sort of smartphone device that you could use to send him a message in all the billion ways mentioned above. And remember, you are in your car. SO. What are the chances that you are going to remember to call him from your land line by the time you get home? There are at least one million other things to remember at any given moment. What if you get inside the door and you see the kitchen and suddenly you are hungry? But then you have to pee because you see the bathroom? But then you remember that you are SO SICK of wearing the shirt you are wearing and you have to change that very instant? And then that song you listened to in the car is in your head and you HAVE to find out immediately who sings it and what it is called so you can (look it up on iTunes and buy it) run back out to the local record store and buy the single version, because you probably like the b-side too? But then your roommates start talking to you and they all met a boy in class today and he was cute, but he didn't get their number, and now they have to wait until next week to hear from him because that's when they have class next, and they can't even look him up on facebook to add him (to show they are slightly interested) and/or so they can show you how attractive he is because FACEBOOK doesn't exist! And then you realized that your show is starting, and you have to watch is RIGHT THEN because you can't catch it on hulu the next day. It's not going to be instantly streaming on netflix next month. You aren't going to be able to find a weird downloadable copy from some shady website like surfthechannel.net or tv-dome.com (which are both shut down, btw. booooo). You can't even tivo/dvr it!! So you settle down with your dinner, newly changed-into shirt, and flattened bladder to watch, oh I don't know, I Love Lucy, and THEN you remember you need to call the boy. But then you have to wait until a commercial break, but then what if the phone call takes longer than the break? You can't even PAUSE your TV so that you won't miss anything. You can't text said boy and tell him you will call him later, and that if you don't, he can call you after 8pm (when your show is over). So anyway, then you forget to call the boy again by the time the show is over, and the whole process starts over again. And you never call the boy. Because modern technology doesn't exist, and you NEVER get married.

THE END.

WHOA. What a troubled, complex world our parents were raised in. I do have to say, though, that both you and boy have several LEGITIMATE excuses for any lack of- or mis-communication without all of these modern communication conveniences. That is a luxury that us young people of the 21st Century don't have. If someone doesn't text you back within the hour, it is safe to assume that either they, or their phone, is dead. For realsies.

The scenario could also play out like this: you text said boy at a stoplight. The end. OR You call said boy the moment you remember (and you simply turn down your radio, because you have already used that handy app on your phone that identifies songs for you), and you have a lovely chat while you drive home. Then you walk in the door, change your shirt, buy said song on iTunes (takes 3 seconds), use the restroom, pause the show while you are making dinner, sit in front of the television while eating your dinner, checking facebook, writing on your blog, pinning, and texting said boy. And you can even watch another show on your laptop while the one on television is on commercial (if you hadn't saved up enough time to fast forward through them while you were making dinner). You could even pause the show for a second so you can listen to a song clip on iTunes. You could do all your shopping on amazon, check your bank account, check any one of your 4 email accounts, check the Billboard hot 100 (that updates every Wednesday), check on your fantasy team, send a tweet or two, or catch up on the latest news. The options are endless. And this is all during that one tv show that you are watching. Technology brings multi-tasking to a whole new level.

So anyway, like Kip said in Napoleon Dymanite circa 2004(?)---one sec, let me check either wikipedia or imdb for that date.... yep, it was 2004 (ps, did you know that if you type in "napoleon" as a search term in google, "dynamite" is an option before "bonaparte"? Look who's famous now). I'm such a good guesser/rememberer---"I love technology." I do, I really do. But it can also be overwhelming. Would you not agree? I mentioned the bare minimum of situations in this post. I didn't even touch the world of iPads or iPods or YouTube or eBooks and associated eReaders. Didn't even cover lots of stuff. I barely mentioned smartphones, let along the singular iPhone. And I didn't mention most of the perks of having a laptop and laying in bed while enjoying the latest webisode of Very Mary Kate the moment you wake up in the morning. Or the modern ease of making your own movies and producing your own music, and then posting it on any one of the many Web 2.0 sites built for sharing things with the world.

Anywho, happy new year. One of my resolutions is to limit my use of technology. Not limit it too drastically-- I need my laptop and my cellphone and my iPod to survive the day. But maybe I'll go on a facebook fast for like 3 days (then I'll have a million notifications once I finally sign back on!) or I won't watch Netflix Monday through Thursday or something.

Ya'll are probably thinking I'm such a sloth. And sometimes, yes. Like sometimes over Christmas break when your roommates are gone and you have the day off, yes. But I promise that I have 12-hour work days (3 hours of which are on the bus, and I can use technology to keep me company) during which I work very hard, and I am very social when I come home. I go REAL shopping, I go to church, I plan parties, I scrapbook, I work out, I have lots of friends, etc. BUT I do love technology. Probably too much.

Also, if you want to read this as a satire or severe sarcasm, be my guest.

I'm just saying that yours is a sad life indeed when the worst thing that happened to you all day was that your computer died while you were watching a movie on netflix and you had to restart everything and it took a WHOLE 5 MINUTES to reboot because your macbook is 4 years ancient, and it was all because you were too lazy to get out of bed and get your charger when the little "reserve battery now in use" message popped up to give you a 9-minute warning.

And that's another thing. Is it not the WORST THING EVER when the internet is BEING SLOW? And you have to WAIT for a page to load? Or when there's a facebook update and things change, and you have to adjust to a new layout? (speaking of which, how do you all feel about the new timeline thing? I'm skeptical. Is it something I should switch to now because I won't have a choice later, or will I be able to stay old school forever?) Also, google has been doing some weird stuff. I kind of hate the new look that gmail is sporting. And it took forever to adjust to the new google image search thing. It still does weird things when I try to drag and drop images. Not too happy with you, google, not too happy. Also not too happy about the way you stole android technology from Apple OR the way your google+ is trying to kill facebook. Here's a hint: it's never going to work!!!! Facebook is all-powerful and it changed the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (see, I hate google, but I use it at least 80 times a day. And google Chrome is so stinking FAST!)

And raise your hand if you always want to wear a hoodie except they are kind of sloppy and you can't put them on after you have already done your hair or make-up or both because it'll mess everything up, but you can't put it on BEFORE you get ready because then it gets WAY too hot or else the hood gets in the way while you are trying to blow dry your hair upside down.

I have problems.

Whatever. Peace.

Watch This

And you won't regret it.

verymarykate.com

Snapshots of the last week of 2011

1. I had dinner with my buddy Cameron. We discussed, in great length, all the things we want to do with our lives. There were just so many great things to do that  Cam exclaimed, "It's so awesome I just hate it!" Yes, that is how we should feel about life. Thumbs up.

2. This afternoon I was grumpy. Ya'll know I hate New Years' Eve. All I wanted was to shower and do my fingernails and toenails. ALL I wanted. So I showered and then sat down to pamper. And you know what? I was out of nail polish remover. The worst. So I had to get dressed. And get a little ready. And I went to the store. And bought some nail polish remover. And then came home and polished and glittered until I was happy. The end.

3. The annual Spainhower family Christmas party was last night. I have been informed, don't you worry, that Christmas is over, and that I should call it a "holiday" party, but whatever. The party was as awkward, familiar, and silly as ever, but a lot of people were missing. Which was sad (namely Shawn and Anna, Stephanie, Uncle Kerry, and Andrew and Mallory). But a long-lost uncle showed up. With his new girlfriend (who looked severely young. I asked my aunt how old she was and she said, "um, about 10. hahahaha). And a baby. It took quite some undercover interrogation to discover whether or not the baby, let's call him Eduardo, was long-lost uncle's or not. He isn't. Anyway, little Eduardo liked to run into the center of the gift exchange circle and do little dances. This earned him this comment, from Elise: "Eduardo is my favorite cousin." Elise, apparently, isn't super fond of her other cousins, who have been around for years.

4. My hatred for any type of jelly or jam was renewed on Thursday at lunch. I got a grilled turkey, swiss, and cranberry sandwich at the cafeteria. Little did I know that there was also some sort of orange jelly on the sandwich. I gagged and almost puked. It was nasty. I tried to eat it, I swear. But I couldn't. And I tried to scrape off the jelly. Couldn't do that either.

5. Tuesday evening was spent in a haze of tv shows. That I have sworn never to watch again. Because I get too sucked in. And it doesn't feel healthy. Favorite quote from said tv show: "It's like I'm in a boy band, and I'm the fat one." -brother "It's pronounce Fatone." -sister

6. Whenever I need feminine inspiration I watch Legally Blonde. It happens, oh, maybe twice a year. Today is one of those days. And you know what? I want to go to law school just so I can say, "Am I on glue or did we get into the same law school?" when someone thinks I'm being dumb or ridiculous. I want to be an Elle Woods champion. And I want to wake up to that "Perfect Day" song EVERY morning.

7. I'm sick of 90% of my music. Well, probably more like 99%. My week was spent trying to enjoy what I have. My purchased list has gone cold. There hasn't been anything new and great to download recently. I settled in on The Killers by Wednesday, and semi-enjoyed "Smile Like You Mean It" and "Jenny Was A Friend of Mine" for three days.

8. I came back to Provo from St. George on Tuesday. I had to drive all the way to Fashion Place Mall to drop off my grandma. I got my first glimpse (but did not go inside) of the first H&M in Utah. I still curse at the fact that I haven't been to that store yet. Sheesh. Anyway, Stephanie had to get some make-up at the beautiful semi-new Nordstrom, so I HAD to go inside... in my traveling clothes. With no makeup. And kind of dirty hair. It was an atrocity. That store is very shiny. And full of shiny people in beautiful attire, with pretty hand bags and perfect hair. And then there was Audrey. Ick. Never again.

9. Sunday was Christmas. And it was lovely. Andrew and Mallory were in town and they hung out with us most of the day. I got a straightener and HELLO a sewing machine. And on Monday I sewed an apron. IT SCREAMS AUDREY when you see it. It's blue and white striped seersucker fabric with a big bright yellow pocket. Can you get more Audrey than that? I don't think so. Let me tell you, though, my mother is a miracle. She never uses patterns. Not like aprons are hard to sew anyway, but we just cut out what we wanted and sewed it together, and the apron is adorable.

Happy 2011.