Saturday, December 31, 2011

Snapshots of the last week of 2011

1. I had dinner with my buddy Cameron. We discussed, in great length, all the things we want to do with our lives. There were just so many great things to do that  Cam exclaimed, "It's so awesome I just hate it!" Yes, that is how we should feel about life. Thumbs up.

2. This afternoon I was grumpy. Ya'll know I hate New Years' Eve. All I wanted was to shower and do my fingernails and toenails. ALL I wanted. So I showered and then sat down to pamper. And you know what? I was out of nail polish remover. The worst. So I had to get dressed. And get a little ready. And I went to the store. And bought some nail polish remover. And then came home and polished and glittered until I was happy. The end.

3. The annual Spainhower family Christmas party was last night. I have been informed, don't you worry, that Christmas is over, and that I should call it a "holiday" party, but whatever. The party was as awkward, familiar, and silly as ever, but a lot of people were missing. Which was sad (namely Shawn and Anna, Stephanie, Uncle Kerry, and Andrew and Mallory). But a long-lost uncle showed up. With his new girlfriend (who looked severely young. I asked my aunt how old she was and she said, "um, about 10. hahahaha). And a baby. It took quite some undercover interrogation to discover whether or not the baby, let's call him Eduardo, was long-lost uncle's or not. He isn't. Anyway, little Eduardo liked to run into the center of the gift exchange circle and do little dances. This earned him this comment, from Elise: "Eduardo is my favorite cousin." Elise, apparently, isn't super fond of her other cousins, who have been around for years.

4. My hatred for any type of jelly or jam was renewed on Thursday at lunch. I got a grilled turkey, swiss, and cranberry sandwich at the cafeteria. Little did I know that there was also some sort of orange jelly on the sandwich. I gagged and almost puked. It was nasty. I tried to eat it, I swear. But I couldn't. And I tried to scrape off the jelly. Couldn't do that either.

5. Tuesday evening was spent in a haze of tv shows. That I have sworn never to watch again. Because I get too sucked in. And it doesn't feel healthy. Favorite quote from said tv show: "It's like I'm in a boy band, and I'm the fat one." -brother "It's pronounce Fatone." -sister

6. Whenever I need feminine inspiration I watch Legally Blonde. It happens, oh, maybe twice a year. Today is one of those days. And you know what? I want to go to law school just so I can say, "Am I on glue or did we get into the same law school?" when someone thinks I'm being dumb or ridiculous. I want to be an Elle Woods champion. And I want to wake up to that "Perfect Day" song EVERY morning.

7. I'm sick of 90% of my music. Well, probably more like 99%. My week was spent trying to enjoy what I have. My purchased list has gone cold. There hasn't been anything new and great to download recently. I settled in on The Killers by Wednesday, and semi-enjoyed "Smile Like You Mean It" and "Jenny Was A Friend of Mine" for three days.

8. I came back to Provo from St. George on Tuesday. I had to drive all the way to Fashion Place Mall to drop off my grandma. I got my first glimpse (but did not go inside) of the first H&M in Utah. I still curse at the fact that I haven't been to that store yet. Sheesh. Anyway, Stephanie had to get some make-up at the beautiful semi-new Nordstrom, so I HAD to go inside... in my traveling clothes. With no makeup. And kind of dirty hair. It was an atrocity. That store is very shiny. And full of shiny people in beautiful attire, with pretty hand bags and perfect hair. And then there was Audrey. Ick. Never again.

9. Sunday was Christmas. And it was lovely. Andrew and Mallory were in town and they hung out with us most of the day. I got a straightener and HELLO a sewing machine. And on Monday I sewed an apron. IT SCREAMS AUDREY when you see it. It's blue and white striped seersucker fabric with a big bright yellow pocket. Can you get more Audrey than that? I don't think so. Let me tell you, though, my mother is a miracle. She never uses patterns. Not like aprons are hard to sew anyway, but we just cut out what we wanted and sewed it together, and the apron is adorable.

Happy 2011.

Friday, December 23, 2011

JB and Stevie

Is it a problem if I think his diamond earrings are kind of hot? It's reminiscent of JT circa 2000. Just saying.

More please.

I went to the Michael Jackson Immortal World Tour presented by Cirque du Soleil last night. And so begins my detailed exposition.

1. IT WAS WAY TOO LOUD. A lot of the time. Sometimes, though, the too-loudness was enlightening. It really was a different experience listening to Michael at that heightened volume. Let's put it this way: Michael used to record his music, and then everyone would leave the studio because he liked to jam to his demos SO LOUD that no one else could stand the loudness. He liked to feel the room vibrate. So, maybe, last night I got a little taste of what Michael heard, or wanted to hear, when he recorded his songs. And for that, I loved the loudness. I could feel it. And honestly, it sounded a little bit different than I was used to. It's like I could hear different tones and qualities in his voice. It was amazing.

2. There was not nearly enough Michael in the show. Sure, the whole thing was set to his music. And there were moments that were very tribute-esque. And a lot of the choreography (like for Smooth Criminal, Beat It, and Thriller), was exactly how Michael did it. But really, I would have loved a lot more Michael on the screen. A lot more of him. The best parts of the show were the ones where Michael was the most prevalent--- well, that may be a lie. But that's because it was a circus show. The most amazing parts were the ones where the trapeze people did the craziest stunts. But my favorite parts of the show were the ones that were Michael heavy. There was a moment when Speechless turned into Will You Be There, and I didn't know if I could take anymore without throwing up from amazingness. Stephanie screamed involuntarily and her arms flopped around in the air like, I can't take this anymore! It's too much! (In a good way). It all just kept getting better and better, but really, I could have watched a video montage of Michael (like the one at the beginning of the show) and been happy with my $60 ticket. That's how much I enjoyed the Michael in the show. And there should have been more of him.

3. The show started out kind of slow, and honestly, I was a little bit excited for it to be over, so I could drive home and then pretend it was awesome and tell everyone about it (kind of like I'm telling about it now, except there is no pretending going on. I promise). But there was point where I got lost. Totally lost. And unaware of time or anything around me. That's what a good show/movie/whatever is supposed to do. Involve you so much that you are lost. I don't know at what point this happened--- but I do know that when "Gone Too Soon" played and I thought the show was going to end, I felt a distinct sense of loss. I wasn't ready for it to end. Good thing they pulled a Return of the King and had like 4 fake endings, and the show didn't end for a while, because I probably would have lost it if it actually ended then. The show ended on Man in the Mirror, and it's like Michael said in This is It; "you have to be completely nourished by it." And I was. But then it ended and my mom broke the 18th cardinal rule of Audrey. She actually spoke the words, "so what did you think? Did you like it?" MOTHER! YOU HAVE TO LET IT SIMMER! It is impossible for someone to have a developed, reliable opinion on something that they just saw-- when they don't even know what they just saw yet! Here's a hint: NEVER ask me if I liked a movie RIGHT when it ends. I at least need to sit through the credits and gather my wits before I can say anything. And I don't want to hear your opinion either-- it will force me to make a premature decision about whatever it is that I just saw. Sitting in silence is much preferred in this situation, or else conversation about something totally unrelated is acceptable. Luckily, when my mother asked this illegal question, Stephanie forcefully slammed it down--"mother! Audrey doesn't want to talk about it yet! Don't you know her?"

4. But I do have an opinion now. It was fantastic. And I got the chills multiple times. And I didn't want it to end. And it was too loud, and there should have been more Michael. But Earth Song was incredible. Smooth Criminal took my breathe away. Dangerous was mesmerizing. I thought I was going to faint during I'll Be There. During Human Nature there were aerialists with light up suits that changed colors. During Beat It there was a human-sized glittery glove on the stage that came to life and danced. And I am going to make one just like it for Halloween next year. I almost shed a tear during Childhood. I Just Can't Stop Loving You was one of those moments where you wonder how what you are seeing is possible (involving two aerialists that held each other up with one rope 30 feet in the air).

5. Last, they used a lot of the same footage and concepts that are featured on This Is It. Which means that they did a lot of stuff the way it was planned to be done during the actual concert series in 2009. Which means that this was the closest I could ever possibly get to actually attending those shows that never happened. So that was amazing. It was cool to see the whole scenes that were just hinted at in the movie. Incredible.

So I loved it. But I did have this nagging, mournful feeling at the back of my throat for most of the show. I just wish that I could have seen him perform live. I just wish that I could have.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

"he just keeps slamming dunks!"

Please oh please give me children like this kid!!!!

Glambert is the 3 P's


I love pop music. This is kind of why. A little techno. A little glam. A little operatic. And a lot of synth. The only thing we're missing is a classic blend of funk and soul.

This song was brought to you by Dr. Luke.... and Glambert, of course.

And check that album artwork. A masterpiece.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

And so it goes.

1. I took a personality test once (okay, I've taken more than one personality test...), and one of the results told me that I, "enjoyed planning things more than actually executing them."

I gasped at the truthfulness of this statement. And at that point (it was probably several years ago), I was very much a planner who never carried out the plans. I thought about things that I could plan. I thought about all the fun things I could do. I made lists... all day. 

I still do that. I make lists of things to do-- parties to have-- specific plans for things. Vacations to take, future careers, characteristics of my future husband or children. Things I will do as a mother, things I want to do in my life before I die, stories I want to write, hobbies I want to have, how I will decorate my house, etc. 

And I derive so much joy from the plans. From the lists. 

So much joy, in fact, that I don't need to see most of the plans come to fruition. It's called imagination, people. And I have it. And it always looks way better in my head than it will in real life. If I never carry out said plans, I will never be disappointed. And I will be protected. And safe. And very, very happy. 

2. Do not cover the King of Pop. You will fail.

Very rarely have I heard a good Michael cover. Very rarely. I happen to remember one in history. ever. It was David Cook's "Billie Jean" on American Idol in 2008. And it was only good because it was different enough. And because David Cook has little bit of style. It was a magic moment.


I just got done watching the X Factor tribute to Michael Jackson. All the contestants performed MJ songs, and I think that my opinion of their performances can be best summarized through the faces of Prince, Paris, and Blanket Jackson, who were in attendance of the show.
I particularly appreciate Blanket's reaction. He's like, "what is going ON??"
And he is bored stiff. adorable.
3. I am currently sitting alone in my apartment, fighting the urge to watch tv on netflix; something that  I've been doing a little bit too much recently. I'm also fighting the urge to eat everything I can see. I want chocolate, I want candy. And I also want friends. All my roommates are gone for Christmas, which would explain why I am sitting alone on a Sunday evening-- Sunday is usually the busiest, most social day of the week. But Provo has been abandoned. I can see a once chuck-full parking lot looking pretty lonely outside my window. And the sky looks grey, as if it is going to cry because BYU is no longer in session and the clouds can't look down at all the happy, smiling BYU kids. I'm still here, you clouds!!! Smile at me!!! Or better yet, run away and leave the sun to warm Provo up to a good 90 degrees so I can skip work tomorrow and lay out all day. That would be rad. I'm leaving for St.G on Wednesday night. And I am excited... most particularly for Thursday night, which is totes going to be awesome....

4. Because guess what??!?!?!?!?!! I'm going to the Cirque du Soleil MICHAEL JACKSON IMMORTAL WORLD TOUR SHOW!!!! I'm so excited I will probably pee my pants. And then lose my voice from screaming.... before the show even starts.

5. So..... prediction. Matt Carlino is going to be BYU basketball's new "it boy." It'll take a couple of years, but it'll happen. The kid is going to be a big deal.

6. Also, Jimmer scored 21 points in his preseason NBA debut. Just saying.

7. Dearest Timmy Tebow, thank you for playing on my fantasy team this year. And thank for scoring 26 points today. And thank you making religion cool to those outside Mormon world because every guy thinks you are rad and every girl thinks you are hot. Because you are. a babe. Love, Audrey

Hello Tim Tebow. You look like you are having a very nice day.

That is all.