Woes of the 490 paper that I should have worked harder on.

So it's finally due today. Today is the day. THE day.

I've been waiting for this day since my first semester at BYU when I was being murdered by my History 200 paper and learned that I would have to repeat the experience x10 when I took History 490-- the last history class I would be required to take before graduation. I filled with dread and actually changed my major for a semester to avoid this one class.... the dreaded 490.

Well, I've written a lot of papers since HIST 200 and am no longer scared of writing more than 20 pages in a paper. I've done it multiple times and really, I don't care that much about if my teacher thinks my paper is awesome and worthy of publishing or not. Just don't care. I've stopped associating my success in school with my value as a person and the strength of my character (my habits are much healthier these days).

So I've done minimal work. At this point my paper stands 20 pages with 4 additional pages of bibliography, a total of 63 citations (ridic, I know), one map, and a killer (fine, it's boring) title page. But I think I've produced a pretty good paper. I mean, really, I am excellent at organization, topic sentences, tying in quotes, and analyzing primary sources. My weaknesses lie in being too wordy or making up words. I also like to have really, really long paragraphs. I'm quite long winded if you already couldn't tell just by reading my blog. Also, my conclusion is super cheesy and my introduction is NOT attention grabbing. But it does the job. My historiography is a solid 5 pages but is really just what I gleaned from scanning through my sources, it's hardly an in depth analysis. I know that my first argument is weak. I lack the primary sources. I know that section 2 of my third argument is weak. It actually doesn't tie very well to my thesis. But that's a secret. None of my editors noticed- not even my professor- so I'm hoping it'll slide in the final draft.

My paper is lacking. But I'm turning it in anyway (because it's due in less than 2 hours). I think it's good enough.

But I want to talk about the drama of today a little bit. First, I was up until 3 working on all sorts of homework for my marriage and family class (despite the interesting discussions I ultimately regret taking that class. It's going to shoot down my GPA for the semester simply because I didn't care.) I got up at 8 and came to campus and have been working on my paper ever since (besides an hour at work in Special Collections). Unfortunately for me, I forgot my computer power cord. I had heard somewhere that it was possible to check them out at the library. So, close to noon, when my computer was about to die, I ran up from the first floor (where the serious studiers are) to the third to ask the information desk where I could find a power cord. They directed me to the LRC, on the 4th floor. I ran up those stairs, got the power cord, and then went to the 2nd floor to Dani's locker to get all my books about the Mormon Battalion for my research. I couldn't remember the locker combination. So then I went back to the first floor where I had left my stuff, looked up the combo, plugged in my computer, then went back up to the 2nd floor, went to the bathroom, got into the locker, pulled out my stack of 11 books, and then proceeded back down to the 1st floor where I am now writing this blog post while I should be cleaning up my paper some more so that I can turn it in in less than 2 hours.

I am just ridiculous. And I know I'm being dramatic about this.

But the point is, I'm turning in my paper today. And I could not be happier about completing this enormous hurdle in the process of my education.

edit: It's 1:36pm and I'm about to print of the dumb thing and turn it in. I thought I should save some photos, you know, just to keep the memories of this semester-long saga.

A screen shot of the final product in print preview:

I had to pull out all the post-it notes that I used to mark important things in all my 11 books about the Mormon Batallion. I'm not kidding, probably 200 post-it notes. And those things were my lifeline. They labeled everything. It was surprisingly painful to take the post-it notes out. I had mini heart attacks with each one- small pangs of panic-- it felt like I needed to leave them in there, cause what if I needed to know where something was again??!! To comfort me in this process I listened to Freddie sing, "We Are The Champions" and I felt like a champion.

And that's all.

The End.