Fire?

This morning my roommate Angie came into my room and said, "the fire alarm is going off in the hall. Do you think we should go down?"

1st instinct: no. I'm sleeping.
2nd instinct: Eh, maybe we should check.

Angie volunteered herself to bundle up and go outside to see if the fire alarm was legitimate (looking back, I have no idea why it wouldn't be authentic. It was 8:00am. Not exactly the perfect time for a drill. And there are no crazy high schoolers trying to be annoying on purpose running around the building). When she got to the bottom of the 8 flights of stairs, she called us and confirmed that there were lots of people outside and that we should come too.

I dragged myself out of bed. Ick. I wore long johns to sleep last night, so going in my pajamas was the worst idea known to man. I took the time to change my clothes, and as I was changing I started to panic. What if there were an actual fire? What if I lost all my stuff? My clothes and everything? I dressed carefully, choosing only my favorite things to wear. I ended up with light-colored jeans, my BYU basketball shirt, and my BYU sweatshirt. I guess we can see where my priorities are. Yeah Audrey, wear a bunch of stuff that can be replaced. Good idea.

In further preparation of panic, I put on my high school class ring. I threw my three favorite journals, my Book of Mormon, my teddy bear, and my computer (along with other necessaries from my purse: iPod, camera, keys, phone, wallet, etc), into my backpack. I was the last one out.

But as I reached for the doorknob... the building went silent. The alarm had turned off. I retreated my hand, turned around, put my pajamas back on, and now I'm back in bed. Except that I started thinking about this post, so I had to sit up and pull my computer out of my backpack.

Was my panic odd? Maybe. But it is classic Aud. Like, of course I would pack all my favorite and most valuable things into my backpack in a moment of rush. Of course.

When I was about 9, I for some reason (I have yet to find the source) became deathly afraid that my house was going to burn down. I used to have nightmares about it. I seriously used to have dreams that Nazis came to take me and my family away, and then for good measure, they would burn everything.

I was terrified. Absolutely terrified. My mom tried to remedy the situation. She bought a fire escape ladder and put it in my bedroom closet. She taught me how to use it in case of a fire. It only made things worse. (and one time, Elise and I tried to use it to escape from Andrew and Stephanie when were babysitting. We got in major trouble for that one. Apparently we're not allowed to climb onto an icy roof in an attempt to run away from home) There was a picture on the front of the box of some children and their mother climbing down a ladder with threatening fire bursting out of the bedroom window they had climbed from. The kids looks so calm, and I just thought they were nuts.

Then my mom planned a family home evening where were learned about fire safety and did fire drills from all different situations in our house. We mapped everything out and everyone got a job. We practiced and practiced.

You would think this was a great idea. You know, be prepared. My 9-year-old brain, however, thought that all the practicing and preparation just meant that a fire in the house was a legitimate concern and that it was actually going to happen, and soon. My fears reached a climax that night.

I packed all of my favorite things into my backpack and slept on the floor of my parents room, with the backpack on. I got up for school the next day, and took it all with me. If the house was going to burn down while I was at school, It was not going to lose my vtech learning computer or my new 100-color box of crayons. Or my tweety bird.

I guess that today I was reminded of that terror from years ago. I am still terrified. Illogically so. I think I may place too much value in random material things. Like I'm too sentimental about stuff. But then again, I don't see any problem in trying to save my journals and scrapbooks. Or my favorite BYU sweatshirt. And my class ring is irreplaceable.

And the conclusion is that I need to either be more prepared, or not care as much. Because honestly, if the fire today would have been at all threatening, I probably would have lost things more important than my backpack of valuables.