Audrey as a high school student

So, in my teaching writing class we have been talking about grading.  I've had a very easy time relating to the material and discussion because if there was one thing on my mind in high school, it was grades and looking smart. And that isn't really an exaggeration. I was obsessed with them. So, I thought I would let my blog readers in on my high school grade (and school in general) obsession. If you knew me in high school, just sit back and laugh at my past insanity.

And I present....

Audrey's life as a high schooler (WARNING: this is the story of arrogant little high school Audrey who thought she was smarter than most people and wanted everyone to know. Now, I just think it is funny).

1. The habit of checking my grades on PowerSchool. As a sophomore I checked my grades at least once a day. Usually more. Everyday, after eating lunch, I would hand my watch to the nearest friend and tell them to time me while I checked my grades in a minute or less. I would then dash away, run to the computer lab, log on, look at all my A's, log out, and then dash back to wherever I had left my watch and friend timing me. Now why did I do this? I don't know. I liked checking my grades.

The following years my grade-checking only increased. Multiple times a day. I always just wanted to make sure. And I wanted to see new scores posted. I wanted to look at more A's. A is for Audrey, you know. 

2. Compulsive need to get only A's. I had goals, okay? And sometimes I had to use my powers of persuasion to get those A's. In health class sophomore year, I failed the quiz on the male reproductive system. Why would I ever want to study for that? It was awkward and I was immature. Needless to say, when I checked my grades in a minute or less the next day, my grade had dropped to an A-, and the semester was coming to an end. I PANICKED.  I went to Mr. Bair and told him the situation. He told me to make up my own extra credit, do it, and then he would see how many points it was worth. So you know what I did? Made the man a QUOTE BOOK, complete with cover, graphics, binding, and multiple pages of awesome quotes (He put quotes up on his board everyday...). And you know what else? I got an A in the class.

One time I got a C on a paper for Mrs. Smyly in AP Lit. TERROR, right? I was traumatized. I will forever hate the book it was about- Josef Conrad's Heart of Darkness. The book was dumb anyway.

I failed a test one time in Mrs. Suddreth's Algebra 2 class. I had been absent for color guard and didn't know we were going to have a test somehow. Luckily, Mrs. Suddreth allowed re-takes. I retook the test after studying and got 100%. BAM.

Mrs. Smyly almost gave me an A- once. I cried. And freaked out. I found out that Kennedy Clayton was getting an A- too, but that Mrs. Smyly had bumped her up. So I talked to Mrs. Smyly. I got an A. BUT, it was such a close call that at the end of the quarter when they passed out money for 4.0s, I kept the paperclip that attached my $10 to the report card. It is still in my wallet. It is a symbol, okay?

Do I feel guilty about complaining and doing extra credit to get a couple A's? No, not really. I worked DANG HARD in high school, and I deserved those A's. Plus, in this specific situation with Mrs. Smyly, I had missed enough participation points to drop me the grade because I had gone to Provo with my family to take Andrew to the MTC. But she wouldn't excuse it and give me back the points. But hey, I made her see reason.
So Mrs. Smyly gave me a lot of stress about my grade. And man, the participation/attendance point issue was a struggle. I remember one particular instance where I stayed home from school all day because I had THE FLU, but I got out of bed and went to Smyly's class. I couldn't miss the points. I probably infected everyone in the class, but dang it, I got my A.

3. History classes. They were pretty much my favorite thing. Honors World Civ, AP US history, and AP European history. The best classes at Dixie High. Thank you Mr. Wegkamp and Mrs. Howell, you are fantastic. You are the reason I am going to school to be a history teacher.

I used to study so hard for those classes. I went in to take the tests without having any questions and I always knew everything. (So different from now might I add).

K, I just want to paint a picture for you here. This is what happened before and on test days in those classes.

First, review games. What could possibly be greater? My excitement for these review games was just ridiculous. I HAD TO WIN. I studied for the reviews, okay? They were usually the kind of games where the teacher asks a question and then teams of 4 or 5 would have to buzz in and then give an answer. And extra credit was usually attached. I was obsessed with extra credit. I didn't need it. I just wanted it. (In fact, I used to work extra hard on Mrs. Howell's assignments and color code the outlines just so she would write "wow" at the top of the page and give me a "+2" next to my score.)

Okay, imagine a review game team for AP US history composed of me, Braidy Bundy, Kennedy Clayton, Moe, and Jen. It was a DREAM TEAM. And we fought hard. We argued our answers and the scores, told each other what to say when it wasn't out turn... all for points. We had the knowledge... sometimes the rules just went out the window a little bit. One day, when our team was accused of cheating in AP Gov, Braidy was like, "Well, if you're not cheating, you're not trying!" Okay, Braidy, you are awesome. I mean, sometimes things got heated, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to win.

Me and Braidy were together in AP Euro too. And we always won. Well, most of the time. But I was a ferocious review game player. I would get nervous before class, but would just be so excited. My competitive edge would come out and rear its head, and I would attack, leaving a pile of bodies whose brains contained less historical knowledge than mine. It was so great.

Second, after review games came... the test.

I remember one particular instance- and I kid you not- two girls in my class actually asked if they could touch me before the test. They were joking, but seriously. That was ridiculous.

In World Civ and AP US the pattern for tests was the same. We took a multiple choice test, turned in the scantrons, and then wrote an essay. While we were all furiously writing those essays, the teacher would go and run the tests through the scantron machine and quickly determine who had the high scores.

Then, at the end of the class period, when every one was turning their essay in, the names of the high scorers would be read aloud. And honestly, I looked forward to this part the very most. I was just so excited to hear my name read aloud and written on the board again. I honestly don't remember a time that I didn't get one of the high scores. I don't think it ever happened in world civ. Might've happened in AP US. Not sure. But I fed off that praise. It only served as motivation.

4. What else? I did homework all the time. When I was in the school musical every year, I would spend much of rehearsal and actual performance time sitting in the hall outside the auditorium studying- trying to catch up on the missed days of school for matinee performances. I was crazy. One time Mr. Saxton mentioned my devotion to schoolwork to the rest of the cast, recommending that they do the same. I glowed.

The summary of this high school obsession with being smart and getting the best grades? It was stressful. Unhealthy, even. It was compulsive. (I did have a lot of fun in high school, though. I just had to make time for it. I loved high school significantly more than the average person, I would say.) I would even go so far as to say that my need to get good grades was directly tied to my self-worth. It blocked insecurity and made me feel important. I needed those good grades to feel good about myself. I really think that is true. I used to wonder to myself, "what would I do if I got an A-??" And my answer would be, "that's not possible. It won't happen. I just don't know what I would do." The whole idea just freaked me out. I would start panicking just thinking about it. I had to only get A's, and I HAD to be valedictorian.

Luckily, I was successful, and if anything made the struggle and stress worth it, it was sitting on the stand at graduation and cracking jokes during my speech.

After writing this, I have a small idea forming... what if I could apply this devotion, focus, and fantastic study skill to school NOW? What if?

Nah, I'm far too lazy these days. I've realized (and am more healthy now) that I don't need straight A's to be happy. Life, I've come to learn, is about so much more than that. :)