I, Audrey Spainhower, have become an uninteresting person.

And it has got to stop.

When I was 17 I learned from John Bytheway that interesting people were interested. Like interested in things.

So I was just thinking, when was the last time I was GENUINELY interested in something? Like, really excited?

It's been a long time. Like, since the advent of Ed Sheeran, probably.

So, in thinking about all the things that would be beneficial to be interested in, 2 solid things come to mind:

1. Cooking. I feel guilty on the DAILY that I am not a good enough cook. And so then I try to find the motivation to cook better and more often, but then I realize, again, that I don't really care that much. Like, people sometimes have a hard time understanding how or why I have the patience for scrapbooking. And I'm like, how do you have the patience to prepare a nice meal and then sit there and wait for it to cook when you are so hungry (because it is meal time and that roast is taking FOREVER)???

2. Working out. I mean, how COOL would it be if I was like, obsessed with working out? So cool. I am convinced that I have never actually learned how to work out right, or else I would probably see more results and like it more. I mean, I feel like I used to like going to the gym more, but now I just really have a hard time finding the time. So. Imagine you want to go in the morning, but you have to be to work by 8. Who in the world would ever want to wake up at 5am and go out into the freezing cold to get to the gym and work out? I don't know about everyone else, but I'm usually pretty tired and 5am.  So that's out. Okay, so say you want to go to the gym after work. You come home, you are tired, and STARVING for dinner. You eat dinner (and it's a healthy dinner... just not one that took long to prepare). Say dinner is over at 6:30. You have plans at 8. So you think, I could go to the gym for 45 minutes, and then have 45 minutes to shower and get ready. First of all, 45 minutes is literally not enough time at the gym, nor is it enough time to shower and get ready and BE somewhere besides your own house. You literally don't have time. Besides that, do you really want to wash your face an extra time? Do you want to have to do your hair and makeup for a second time that day? I mean, it's just exhausting, and drying out your skin is a real possibility.

So I've been reading this book about self-betrayal and the lies we tell ourselves to keep us from doing the actual right things. Like, say you need to visit your aunt at the hospital. You don't actually want to go there. In thinking about the visit, you somehow convince yourself of how awful it will be, because your aunt is awkward and you will have nothing to talk about. The next minute you start thinking about how your aunt is probably thinking the same thing and there is a high chance she actually doesn't want you to come. And now, you find yourself still sitting on a couch, and your aunt gets no visitors.

The descriptions above about cooking and exercising? Self-betrayal.

I could do all of those things if I really wanted to -- if I really decided they were important. And sometimes a person has to find motivation in the right things, not in the things that are most fascinating to them. I guarantee that both of those things would become more interesting to me if I applied myself. AND, then I could become a person who both cooks delicious food and is more fit and potentially a lot thinner.

(Although... I have doubts about any desire to be thinner. I would really prefer not to replace my wardrobe.)

Anyway, all I'm saying is that something has got to change. Most recently I feel like I've run out of time to be interested in things. Like, there are just TOO MANY things to do all the time. Life was so much simpler in the days of undergrad when the only thing there was to worry about is school assignments and if the gas in your car will last you another week until you get a paycheck.

And that is that, the end. No longer will my time disappear into a little black hole.