Abandoned

I have abandoned this blog lately. So this post is just to announce that yes, I am still alive. Stressed-out? Exhausted? Over-worked? Homesick? Stronger than before? More dedicated? A better person? All yes. the answer is yes.

Student teaching is hard. I can't say that enough. And for most of this time I've been a student teacher I thought it was too hard. There was definitely an extended period of time that I didn't think I could do it-- and honestly, I think that's the first time in my life that I have thought that. I've always thought that I could do anything- in fact, I've been known to say, "they say you can't do it all. But I can." The trial of student teaching made me doubt the foundations of who I am. I wanted to go home multiple times. So bad. Heck, I still want to go home. I've never been more excited about anything in my entire life- including when Harry Potter 7 came out. I can't explain, and don't want to explain what is so hard about it. But I promise that's it just hard across the board. It's kind of a best-kept secret in the education world. Talk to anyone. Very rarely will you find someone that actually enjoyed their student teaching experience.

The good thing is that I've reached the summit, so to speak. Miley Cyrus's "The Climb," comes to mind. I don't love it. There are moments when I like it. And it's become one of those things that you just have to make the most of and get through. Throughout this semester I've gone from a very negative attitude to a hopeful one. I swear, there has been a serious transformation-- an emergence from a very dark tunnel to a significantly brighter afternoon.

So most of the time I'm just too tired to really think about anything, and then I have to plan another lesson or grade another research paper. It's all-consuming. Student teaching becomes life. Which is fine, except I feel guilty all the time, because I'm in this place that I love, but I don't have the time or energy to enjoy it. And I'm counting down the days until I leave it. I hate that. I love this place. It has brought me so much happiness in the past. But now I associate it with the stress of student teaching and I get a bad taste in my mouth. Is that not awful? Last Friday, though, I went to Georgetown for shopping and dinner with my roommate Julie. And it was a warm, sunny day (just about the first one this year). I was so happy. I remembered why I love this place, and I wanted to stay. So conclusion: I still love the city. I still love being here. I just want to finish student teaching and never think about it again. Ever.

So that's the status of my feelings right now. As of tomorrow after school, I will have exactly 3 weeks until I'm done with this. And two days after that I will fly home to St. George, into the loving arms of my mommy and daddy. And my mom has already promised to make me cinnamon rolls when I get home.

And then I'll be in Northern Utah on April 19th. My lovely lovely cousin Nicole is getting married on April 20. And then I graduate. The next day. Wow. Graduation. And then I think I'm going to live in Provo. For the summer at least.

And then that's where the story ends. That's when the plan is over. I don't know what's going to come next. But you know what? That's okay. At this point I can deal with a couple weeks of chill. A couple weeks of no plans and no pressure. I'll get bored pretty fast, I'm sure. But for right now, I can't imagine anything more awesome.