I just tried to go to the temple. My first act on the first weekday of the year. Wanted to start things out right. Well guess what. It was closed. Because today is kind of a holiday I guess.
boo.
But then I got to thinking, what about that technology huh? I was talking on a phone in my car. Let's take a trip to pre-cell phone, pre-voicemail, pre-caller ID (I know, what a concept), pre-internet, pre-facebook, pre-laptop computer days. Are you imagining dreadful things? I am.
Imagine trying to date... without any of these things. How in the world is a boy supposed to get a hold of you? What if you are in college, in a dorm room? And you are only there like 1% of the day? (while you are sleeping) And you don't have voicemail, so how do you know he called while you were gone? omg, he would have to actually COME TO YOUR HOUSE to see you. And if you weren't there, he would have WRITE A REAL NOTE TO PUT ON YOUR DOOR!
What if a boy is out of town and wants to contact you-- to remind you that he exists? How is he supposed to go about doing that? We already discussed the ineffectiveness of calling-- you are never at home. He can't text you. He can't email you. He can't write on your wall. He can't gchat with you. He can't comment on your blog. He can't skype you. No facetiming. He can't like something of yours on Pinterest. He can't even send you a facebook message that is private only to your eyes! He can't even mention you in a tweet! He would have to WRITE YOU A LETTER, and it could take WEEKS to get to you! Oh the tragedy of it all!
What if you are driving in your car, or you are out someplace, and YOU need to contact said boy? But you don't have a cell phone. You don't even have some sort of smartphone device that you could use to send him a message in all the billion ways mentioned above. And remember, you are in your car. SO. What are the chances that you are going to remember to call him from your land line by the time you get home? There are at least one million other things to remember at any given moment. What if you get inside the door and you see the kitchen and suddenly you are hungry? But then you have to pee because you see the bathroom? But then you remember that you are SO SICK of wearing the shirt you are wearing and you have to change that very instant? And then that song you listened to in the car is in your head and you HAVE to find out immediately who sings it and what it is called so you can (look it up on iTunes and buy it) run back out to the local record store and buy the single version, because you probably like the b-side too? But then your roommates start talking to you and they all met a boy in class today and he was cute, but he didn't get their number, and now they have to wait until next week to hear from him because that's when they have class next, and they can't even look him up on facebook to add him (to show they are slightly interested) and/or so they can show you how attractive he is because FACEBOOK doesn't exist! And then you realized that your show is starting, and you have to watch is RIGHT THEN because you can't catch it on hulu the next day. It's not going to be instantly streaming on netflix next month. You aren't going to be able to find a weird downloadable copy from some shady website like surfthechannel.net or tv-dome.com (which are both shut down, btw. booooo). You can't even tivo/dvr it!! So you settle down with your dinner, newly changed-into shirt, and flattened bladder to watch, oh I don't know, I Love Lucy, and THEN you remember you need to call the boy. But then you have to wait until a commercial break, but then what if the phone call takes longer than the break? You can't even PAUSE your TV so that you won't miss anything. You can't text said boy and tell him you will call him later, and that if you don't, he can call you after 8pm (when your show is over). So anyway, then you forget to call the boy again by the time the show is over, and the whole process starts over again. And you never call the boy. Because modern technology doesn't exist, and you NEVER get married.
THE END.
WHOA. What a troubled, complex world our parents were raised in. I do have to say, though, that both you and boy have several LEGITIMATE excuses for any lack of- or mis-communication without all of these modern communication conveniences. That is a luxury that us young people of the 21st Century don't have. If someone doesn't text you back within the hour, it is safe to assume that either they, or their phone, is dead. For realsies.
The scenario could also play out like this: you text said boy at a stoplight. The end. OR You call said boy the moment you remember (and you simply turn down your radio, because you have already used that handy app on your phone that identifies songs for you), and you have a lovely chat while you drive home. Then you walk in the door, change your shirt, buy said song on iTunes (takes 3 seconds), use the restroom, pause the show while you are making dinner, sit in front of the television while eating your dinner, checking facebook, writing on your blog, pinning, and texting said boy. And you can even watch another show on your laptop while the one on television is on commercial (if you hadn't saved up enough time to fast forward through them while you were making dinner). You could even pause the show for a second so you can listen to a song clip on iTunes. You could do all your shopping on amazon, check your bank account, check any one of your 4 email accounts, check the Billboard hot 100 (that updates every Wednesday), check on your fantasy team, send a tweet or two, or catch up on the latest news. The options are endless. And this is all during that one tv show that you are watching. Technology brings multi-tasking to a whole new level.
So anyway, like Kip said in Napoleon Dymanite circa 2004(?)---one sec, let me check either wikipedia or imdb for that date.... yep, it was 2004 (ps, did you know that if you type in "napoleon" as a search term in google, "dynamite" is an option before "bonaparte"? Look who's famous now). I'm such a good guesser/rememberer---"I love technology." I do, I really do. But it can also be overwhelming. Would you not agree? I mentioned the bare minimum of situations in this post. I didn't even touch the world of iPads or iPods or YouTube or eBooks and associated eReaders. Didn't even cover lots of stuff. I barely mentioned smartphones, let along the singular iPhone. And I didn't mention most of the perks of having a laptop and laying in bed while enjoying the latest webisode of Very Mary Kate the moment you wake up in the morning. Or the modern ease of making your own movies and producing your own music, and then posting it on any one of the many Web 2.0 sites built for sharing things with the world.
Anywho, happy new year. One of my resolutions is to limit my use of technology. Not limit it too drastically-- I need my laptop and my cellphone and my iPod to survive the day. But maybe I'll go on a facebook fast for like 3 days (then I'll have a million notifications once I finally sign back on!) or I won't watch Netflix Monday through Thursday or something.
Ya'll are probably thinking I'm such a sloth. And sometimes, yes. Like sometimes over Christmas break when your roommates are gone and you have the day off, yes. But I promise that I have 12-hour work days (3 hours of which are on the bus, and I can use technology to keep me company) during which I work very hard, and I am very social when I come home. I go REAL shopping, I go to church, I plan parties, I scrapbook, I work out, I have lots of friends, etc. BUT I do love technology. Probably too much.
Also, if you want to read this as a satire or severe sarcasm, be my guest.
I'm just saying that yours is a sad life indeed when the worst thing that happened to you all day was that your computer died while you were watching a movie on netflix and you had to restart everything and it took a WHOLE 5 MINUTES to reboot because your macbook is 4 years ancient, and it was all because you were too lazy to get out of bed and get your charger when the little "reserve battery now in use" message popped up to give you a 9-minute warning.
And that's another thing. Is it not the WORST THING EVER when the internet is BEING SLOW? And you have to WAIT for a page to load? Or when there's a facebook update and things change, and you have to adjust to a new layout? (speaking of which, how do you all feel about the new timeline thing? I'm skeptical. Is it something I should switch to now because I won't have a choice later, or will I be able to stay old school forever?) Also, google has been doing some weird stuff. I kind of hate the new look that gmail is sporting. And it took forever to adjust to the new google image search thing. It still does weird things when I try to drag and drop images. Not too happy with you, google, not too happy. Also not too happy about the way you stole android technology from Apple OR the way your google+ is trying to kill facebook. Here's a hint: it's never going to work!!!! Facebook is all-powerful and it changed the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (see, I hate google, but I use it at least 80 times a day. And google Chrome is so stinking FAST!)
And raise your hand if you always want to wear a hoodie except they are kind of sloppy and you can't put them on after you have already done your hair or make-up or both because it'll mess everything up, but you can't put it on BEFORE you get ready because then it gets WAY too hot or else the hood gets in the way while you are trying to blow dry your hair upside down.
I have problems.
Whatever. Peace.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Snapshots of the last week of 2011
1. I had dinner with my buddy Cameron. We discussed, in great length, all the things we want to do with our lives. There were just so many great things to do that Cam exclaimed, "It's so awesome I just hate it!" Yes, that is how we should feel about life. Thumbs up.
2. This afternoon I was grumpy. Ya'll know I hate New Years' Eve. All I wanted was to shower and do my fingernails and toenails. ALL I wanted. So I showered and then sat down to pamper. And you know what? I was out of nail polish remover. The worst. So I had to get dressed. And get a little ready. And I went to the store. And bought some nail polish remover. And then came home and polished and glittered until I was happy. The end.
3. The annual Spainhower family Christmas party was last night. I have been informed, don't you worry, that Christmas is over, and that I should call it a "holiday" party, but whatever. The party was as awkward, familiar, and silly as ever, but a lot of people were missing. Which was sad (namely Shawn and Anna, Stephanie, Uncle Kerry, and Andrew and Mallory). But a long-lost uncle showed up. With his new girlfriend (who looked severely young. I asked my aunt how old she was and she said, "um, about 10. hahahaha). And a baby. It took quite some undercover interrogation to discover whether or not the baby, let's call him Eduardo, was long-lost uncle's or not. He isn't. Anyway, little Eduardo liked to run into the center of the gift exchange circle and do little dances. This earned him this comment, from Elise: "Eduardo is my favorite cousin." Elise, apparently, isn't super fond of her other cousins, who have been around for years.
4. My hatred for any type of jelly or jam was renewed on Thursday at lunch. I got a grilled turkey, swiss, and cranberry sandwich at the cafeteria. Little did I know that there was also some sort of orange jelly on the sandwich. I gagged and almost puked. It was nasty. I tried to eat it, I swear. But I couldn't. And I tried to scrape off the jelly. Couldn't do that either.
5. Tuesday evening was spent in a haze of tv shows. That I have sworn never to watch again. Because I get too sucked in. And it doesn't feel healthy. Favorite quote from said tv show: "It's like I'm in a boy band, and I'm the fat one." -brother "It's pronounce Fatone." -sister
6. Whenever I need feminine inspiration I watch Legally Blonde. It happens, oh, maybe twice a year. Today is one of those days. And you know what? I want to go to law school just so I can say, "Am I on glue or did we get into the same law school?" when someone thinks I'm being dumb or ridiculous. I want to be an Elle Woods champion. And I want to wake up to that "Perfect Day" song EVERY morning.
7. I'm sick of 90% of my music. Well, probably more like 99%. My week was spent trying to enjoy what I have. My purchased list has gone cold. There hasn't been anything new and great to download recently. I settled in on The Killers by Wednesday, and semi-enjoyed "Smile Like You Mean It" and "Jenny Was A Friend of Mine" for three days.
8. I came back to Provo from St. George on Tuesday. I had to drive all the way to Fashion Place Mall to drop off my grandma. I got my first glimpse (but did not go inside) of the first H&M in Utah. I still curse at the fact that I haven't been to that store yet. Sheesh. Anyway, Stephanie had to get some make-up at the beautiful semi-new Nordstrom, so I HAD to go inside... in my traveling clothes. With no makeup. And kind of dirty hair. It was an atrocity. That store is very shiny. And full of shiny people in beautiful attire, with pretty hand bags and perfect hair. And then there was Audrey. Ick. Never again.
9. Sunday was Christmas. And it was lovely. Andrew and Mallory were in town and they hung out with us most of the day. I got a straightener and HELLO a sewing machine. And on Monday I sewed an apron. IT SCREAMS AUDREY when you see it. It's blue and white striped seersucker fabric with a big bright yellow pocket. Can you get more Audrey than that? I don't think so. Let me tell you, though, my mother is a miracle. She never uses patterns. Not like aprons are hard to sew anyway, but we just cut out what we wanted and sewed it together, and the apron is adorable.
Happy 2011.
2. This afternoon I was grumpy. Ya'll know I hate New Years' Eve. All I wanted was to shower and do my fingernails and toenails. ALL I wanted. So I showered and then sat down to pamper. And you know what? I was out of nail polish remover. The worst. So I had to get dressed. And get a little ready. And I went to the store. And bought some nail polish remover. And then came home and polished and glittered until I was happy. The end.
3. The annual Spainhower family Christmas party was last night. I have been informed, don't you worry, that Christmas is over, and that I should call it a "holiday" party, but whatever. The party was as awkward, familiar, and silly as ever, but a lot of people were missing. Which was sad (namely Shawn and Anna, Stephanie, Uncle Kerry, and Andrew and Mallory). But a long-lost uncle showed up. With his new girlfriend (who looked severely young. I asked my aunt how old she was and she said, "um, about 10. hahahaha). And a baby. It took quite some undercover interrogation to discover whether or not the baby, let's call him Eduardo, was long-lost uncle's or not. He isn't. Anyway, little Eduardo liked to run into the center of the gift exchange circle and do little dances. This earned him this comment, from Elise: "Eduardo is my favorite cousin." Elise, apparently, isn't super fond of her other cousins, who have been around for years.
4. My hatred for any type of jelly or jam was renewed on Thursday at lunch. I got a grilled turkey, swiss, and cranberry sandwich at the cafeteria. Little did I know that there was also some sort of orange jelly on the sandwich. I gagged and almost puked. It was nasty. I tried to eat it, I swear. But I couldn't. And I tried to scrape off the jelly. Couldn't do that either.
5. Tuesday evening was spent in a haze of tv shows. That I have sworn never to watch again. Because I get too sucked in. And it doesn't feel healthy. Favorite quote from said tv show: "It's like I'm in a boy band, and I'm the fat one." -brother "It's pronounce Fatone." -sister
6. Whenever I need feminine inspiration I watch Legally Blonde. It happens, oh, maybe twice a year. Today is one of those days. And you know what? I want to go to law school just so I can say, "Am I on glue or did we get into the same law school?" when someone thinks I'm being dumb or ridiculous. I want to be an Elle Woods champion. And I want to wake up to that "Perfect Day" song EVERY morning.
7. I'm sick of 90% of my music. Well, probably more like 99%. My week was spent trying to enjoy what I have. My purchased list has gone cold. There hasn't been anything new and great to download recently. I settled in on The Killers by Wednesday, and semi-enjoyed "Smile Like You Mean It" and "Jenny Was A Friend of Mine" for three days.
8. I came back to Provo from St. George on Tuesday. I had to drive all the way to Fashion Place Mall to drop off my grandma. I got my first glimpse (but did not go inside) of the first H&M in Utah. I still curse at the fact that I haven't been to that store yet. Sheesh. Anyway, Stephanie had to get some make-up at the beautiful semi-new Nordstrom, so I HAD to go inside... in my traveling clothes. With no makeup. And kind of dirty hair. It was an atrocity. That store is very shiny. And full of shiny people in beautiful attire, with pretty hand bags and perfect hair. And then there was Audrey. Ick. Never again.
9. Sunday was Christmas. And it was lovely. Andrew and Mallory were in town and they hung out with us most of the day. I got a straightener and HELLO a sewing machine. And on Monday I sewed an apron. IT SCREAMS AUDREY when you see it. It's blue and white striped seersucker fabric with a big bright yellow pocket. Can you get more Audrey than that? I don't think so. Let me tell you, though, my mother is a miracle. She never uses patterns. Not like aprons are hard to sew anyway, but we just cut out what we wanted and sewed it together, and the apron is adorable.
Happy 2011.
Friday, December 23, 2011
JB and Stevie
Is it a problem if I think his diamond earrings are kind of hot? It's reminiscent of JT circa 2000. Just saying.
More please.
I went to the Michael Jackson Immortal World Tour presented by Cirque du Soleil last night. And so begins my detailed exposition.
1. IT WAS WAY TOO LOUD. A lot of the time. Sometimes, though, the too-loudness was enlightening. It really was a different experience listening to Michael at that heightened volume. Let's put it this way: Michael used to record his music, and then everyone would leave the studio because he liked to jam to his demos SO LOUD that no one else could stand the loudness. He liked to feel the room vibrate. So, maybe, last night I got a little taste of what Michael heard, or wanted to hear, when he recorded his songs. And for that, I loved the loudness. I could feel it. And honestly, it sounded a little bit different than I was used to. It's like I could hear different tones and qualities in his voice. It was amazing.
2. There was not nearly enough Michael in the show. Sure, the whole thing was set to his music. And there were moments that were very tribute-esque. And a lot of the choreography (like for Smooth Criminal, Beat It, and Thriller), was exactly how Michael did it. But really, I would have loved a lot more Michael on the screen. A lot more of him. The best parts of the show were the ones where Michael was the most prevalent--- well, that may be a lie. But that's because it was a circus show. The most amazing parts were the ones where the trapeze people did the craziest stunts. But my favorite parts of the show were the ones that were Michael heavy. There was a moment when Speechless turned into Will You Be There, and I didn't know if I could take anymore without throwing up from amazingness. Stephanie screamed involuntarily and her arms flopped around in the air like, I can't take this anymore! It's too much! (In a good way). It all just kept getting better and better, but really, I could have watched a video montage of Michael (like the one at the beginning of the show) and been happy with my $60 ticket. That's how much I enjoyed the Michael in the show. And there should have been more of him.
3. The show started out kind of slow, and honestly, I was a little bit excited for it to be over, so I could drive home and then pretend it was awesome and tell everyone about it (kind of like I'm telling about it now, except there is no pretending going on. I promise). But there was point where I got lost. Totally lost. And unaware of time or anything around me. That's what a good show/movie/whatever is supposed to do. Involve you so much that you are lost. I don't know at what point this happened--- but I do know that when "Gone Too Soon" played and I thought the show was going to end, I felt a distinct sense of loss. I wasn't ready for it to end. Good thing they pulled a Return of the King and had like 4 fake endings, and the show didn't end for a while, because I probably would have lost it if it actually ended then. The show ended on Man in the Mirror, and it's like Michael said in This is It; "you have to be completely nourished by it." And I was. But then it ended and my mom broke the 18th cardinal rule of Audrey. She actually spoke the words, "so what did you think? Did you like it?" MOTHER! YOU HAVE TO LET IT SIMMER! It is impossible for someone to have a developed, reliable opinion on something that they just saw-- when they don't even know what they just saw yet! Here's a hint: NEVER ask me if I liked a movie RIGHT when it ends. I at least need to sit through the credits and gather my wits before I can say anything. And I don't want to hear your opinion either-- it will force me to make a premature decision about whatever it is that I just saw. Sitting in silence is much preferred in this situation, or else conversation about something totally unrelated is acceptable. Luckily, when my mother asked this illegal question, Stephanie forcefully slammed it down--"mother! Audrey doesn't want to talk about it yet! Don't you know her?"
4. But I do have an opinion now. It was fantastic. And I got the chills multiple times. And I didn't want it to end. And it was too loud, and there should have been more Michael. But Earth Song was incredible. Smooth Criminal took my breathe away. Dangerous was mesmerizing. I thought I was going to faint during I'll Be There. During Human Nature there were aerialists with light up suits that changed colors. During Beat It there was a human-sized glittery glove on the stage that came to life and danced. And I am going to make one just like it for Halloween next year. I almost shed a tear during Childhood. I Just Can't Stop Loving You was one of those moments where you wonder how what you are seeing is possible (involving two aerialists that held each other up with one rope 30 feet in the air).
5. Last, they used a lot of the same footage and concepts that are featured on This Is It. Which means that they did a lot of stuff the way it was planned to be done during the actual concert series in 2009. Which means that this was the closest I could ever possibly get to actually attending those shows that never happened. So that was amazing. It was cool to see the whole scenes that were just hinted at in the movie. Incredible.
So I loved it. But I did have this nagging, mournful feeling at the back of my throat for most of the show. I just wish that I could have seen him perform live. I just wish that I could have.
1. IT WAS WAY TOO LOUD. A lot of the time. Sometimes, though, the too-loudness was enlightening. It really was a different experience listening to Michael at that heightened volume. Let's put it this way: Michael used to record his music, and then everyone would leave the studio because he liked to jam to his demos SO LOUD that no one else could stand the loudness. He liked to feel the room vibrate. So, maybe, last night I got a little taste of what Michael heard, or wanted to hear, when he recorded his songs. And for that, I loved the loudness. I could feel it. And honestly, it sounded a little bit different than I was used to. It's like I could hear different tones and qualities in his voice. It was amazing.
2. There was not nearly enough Michael in the show. Sure, the whole thing was set to his music. And there were moments that were very tribute-esque. And a lot of the choreography (like for Smooth Criminal, Beat It, and Thriller), was exactly how Michael did it. But really, I would have loved a lot more Michael on the screen. A lot more of him. The best parts of the show were the ones where Michael was the most prevalent--- well, that may be a lie. But that's because it was a circus show. The most amazing parts were the ones where the trapeze people did the craziest stunts. But my favorite parts of the show were the ones that were Michael heavy. There was a moment when Speechless turned into Will You Be There, and I didn't know if I could take anymore without throwing up from amazingness. Stephanie screamed involuntarily and her arms flopped around in the air like, I can't take this anymore! It's too much! (In a good way). It all just kept getting better and better, but really, I could have watched a video montage of Michael (like the one at the beginning of the show) and been happy with my $60 ticket. That's how much I enjoyed the Michael in the show. And there should have been more of him.
3. The show started out kind of slow, and honestly, I was a little bit excited for it to be over, so I could drive home and then pretend it was awesome and tell everyone about it (kind of like I'm telling about it now, except there is no pretending going on. I promise). But there was point where I got lost. Totally lost. And unaware of time or anything around me. That's what a good show/movie/whatever is supposed to do. Involve you so much that you are lost. I don't know at what point this happened--- but I do know that when "Gone Too Soon" played and I thought the show was going to end, I felt a distinct sense of loss. I wasn't ready for it to end. Good thing they pulled a Return of the King and had like 4 fake endings, and the show didn't end for a while, because I probably would have lost it if it actually ended then. The show ended on Man in the Mirror, and it's like Michael said in This is It; "you have to be completely nourished by it." And I was. But then it ended and my mom broke the 18th cardinal rule of Audrey. She actually spoke the words, "so what did you think? Did you like it?" MOTHER! YOU HAVE TO LET IT SIMMER! It is impossible for someone to have a developed, reliable opinion on something that they just saw-- when they don't even know what they just saw yet! Here's a hint: NEVER ask me if I liked a movie RIGHT when it ends. I at least need to sit through the credits and gather my wits before I can say anything. And I don't want to hear your opinion either-- it will force me to make a premature decision about whatever it is that I just saw. Sitting in silence is much preferred in this situation, or else conversation about something totally unrelated is acceptable. Luckily, when my mother asked this illegal question, Stephanie forcefully slammed it down--"mother! Audrey doesn't want to talk about it yet! Don't you know her?"
4. But I do have an opinion now. It was fantastic. And I got the chills multiple times. And I didn't want it to end. And it was too loud, and there should have been more Michael. But Earth Song was incredible. Smooth Criminal took my breathe away. Dangerous was mesmerizing. I thought I was going to faint during I'll Be There. During Human Nature there were aerialists with light up suits that changed colors. During Beat It there was a human-sized glittery glove on the stage that came to life and danced. And I am going to make one just like it for Halloween next year. I almost shed a tear during Childhood. I Just Can't Stop Loving You was one of those moments where you wonder how what you are seeing is possible (involving two aerialists that held each other up with one rope 30 feet in the air).
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Glambert is the 3 P's
PURE POP PERFECTION.
I love pop music. This is kind of why. A little techno. A little glam. A little operatic. And a lot of synth. The only thing we're missing is a classic blend of funk and soul.
This song was brought to you by Dr. Luke.... and Glambert, of course.
And check that album artwork. A masterpiece.
I love pop music. This is kind of why. A little techno. A little glam. A little operatic. And a lot of synth. The only thing we're missing is a classic blend of funk and soul.
This song was brought to you by Dr. Luke.... and Glambert, of course.
And check that album artwork. A masterpiece.
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