Everything has changed

While the title of this post is also the title of a Taylor Swift/Ed Sheeran collaboration that is quite easy on the ears but not immediately lovable, it also reflects the sentiment that, well, everything has changed.


One of the changes that I wish to speak of is that I finally bought myself a desk. I have lived in my little basement-hole bedroom for a year and a half, and I have disliked the space the whole time. I have consistently said, "I need but a small work space. A desk, if you will." And last Saturday I finally broke down and realized that while I have no problem buying a pair of pants for $50, I can't even get myself over to IKEA to buy the thing that I really, truly, need and want. So I went. And I bought. And I built.

And there you have it. I am typing this on a desk. And I feel as though my life has taken an upswing. Like, I'm on this roller coaster, and instead of careening downward in terror and confusion, I'm kind of floating up and I actually feel like I can grab onto something to keep myself going up.

The overarching theme of my intense list of categorized new year's resolutions is to organize myself. It's based on Doctrine and Covenants 88:119. And with this little desk (that is honestly much smaller than I would have liked...but it was hard to tell from the picture on the box...), I feel as though I have already accomplished a lot.

And so I write a list of randoms, as always:

1. I haven't been sleeping well. and when I'm stressed and not sleeping well I break out, which leads to more stress and less sleeping, and it's really all so terrible, because your face hurts and you are so, so sleepy, and then you still have to deal with the stress. And so I remembered that one summer it felt really amazing to sleep upside down in my bed. And so I tried it again. And sleeping upside down is the best. Like, I just put my pillow where my feet usually go. And it is fresh and heavenly, and now I sleep.

2. I finally joined spotify. It's free on phones now, so, BINGO.

3. I created a budget tonight. This was inspired by my shopping spree of last weekend (the one that included the desk), and my new ability to type/write/read/record at a desk of my very own. Apparently if I want to save the money that I want to save, I need to stop shopping. Honestly, I have avoided making a budget up until this point (to my detriment), because I'm afraid of realizing that I should actually be spending much less than I do. But I need to get serious about it. I really do. If in some distant future I want to go away to school or buy a car or buy a new computer for crying out loud (this here macbook will be celebrating her 7th birthday soon), I need to spend less and save more. And be an adult.

4. I have started to make a new recipe once a week. Another resolution. And it has turned out to really be blast! I actually really like to make things! And it is such a perk when you get to eat it after.

5. Due to the stresses and various things going on in my life, I have become quite the introvert. I just spent the weekend at a cabin at Bear Lake with really very lovely people who I would love to be best friends with, and I was actually quite overwhelmed with the whole thing and found myself wishing I could retreat to one of the rooms by myself just to take a break. This is very un-audrey-ish. Lately I've just been wanting to stay home, and like I mentioned earlier, just find a way to grab on an pull myself up. It's like I just haven't been able to get a grip lately. I mentioned something about how I only want to stay at home all the time to a friend, and he was like, "sounds like you are growing up." and I just thought, is that what it means to be an adult? To feel like you can't get a grip? To want to be alone because you feel like you are trying and trying to get organized and piece things together, but you really just can't? If all that is true, then I think I'll just keep being a Toys R Us kid.

6. Ed Sheeran is up for best new artist. And so is Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. And so is this one dude that I just discovered this evening named James Blake, and he is REALLY awesome. He sings and has this incredible voice, but he's also a DJ. And he's British. I just don't even know what the grammy academy people are supposed to do! I mean, Ed Sheeran, duh. But really? Macklemore should win. This struggle is on par with the Britney-Christina battle of 2000. Needless to say, I am STOKED for the grammys this year.


7. My house is getting television! That means we can watch award shows, the super bowl, American Idol, and the Olympics. All the important things. I haven't had real television in a house of mine since, like, 2008. So, this is big deal.

8. Another one of my resolutions this year is to create more and consume less. The specific goal for the month of January is to write a poem. I will not be sharing that. The goal for February is to crochet something. My Grandma Colleen is going to teach me. (as a side note, she will also be teaching me to make homemade noodles...my fave).

Stay tuned.