April Fools

A day which will live in infamy:

The top 3 worst April Fools jokes of all time:

1. When a friend from high school posted an obituary-like status update on facebook. I literally cried. Don't ever try this one. It is not funny at all.

2. When Mugglenet pretended that a marriage between founder Emerson Spartz and the founder of the Leaky Cauldron website, Melissa Anelli, would create a marriage between the two sites. It was called "LeakyMug" and I nearly cried. All the good content was gone! There was a reason why I was not a Leaky Cauldron fan, but a Mugglenet fan!! It is a better website! And the editorial section that I was so enthralled with had been compromised as a result of the marriage. I was devastated...until April 2nd.

3. LENE BOTOLFSEN PRETENDED THAT SHE WAS COMING BACK TO BYU. That happened today. And I didn't believe her and I am still sad. She got me to imagine what it would be like and I was starting to get excited and hopeful and.....then I crashed.

Some other things:

I am IN LOVE with the new OneRepublic album, Native. Listen to it. On repeat. Oh how I love that Ryan Tedder. Some of my favorite songs: "Counting Stars," "Preacher," "Life in Color," "I Lived," and "Can't Stop." And literally I could just name all of them. Because I love them all. Totally worth the wait and the mystery and the suspense.

Also, Party plans for my birthday are in full swing. I have already booked the bounce house.

And that's it.

Stay tuned for a post WITH PICTURES.

IDK what this is about.

1. Don't worry. I just filled out 4 brackets. That might be a record for me. I usually have like 2. Maybe 3. Favorite bracket name I came up with: #winning. BAHAHAHA.

2. This weekend I partied hard at the wedding reception of one Megan Marie Knell (Yates). I wandered into her reception by myself and found her in the crowd. She turned and looked at me with sheer shock and excitement that I was there, and I was just SO HAPPY to see her. Seriously I think it had been since 2010 when I ran into her in the library and BYU. And she is such a dear friend and such an amazing person. We spent a lot of time together in high school, but we first met on the stake pioneer trek in 2003. We were sisters and both the new kids. She was my favorite. :) But so anyway, I started blubbering like a baby. It was embarrassing. I rarely get emotional about, like, anything. But I really love my friends. And Megan Knell is just one of those dear people that you kind of just want to keep with you forever. And so we hugged like 3 times and just kept saying "I love you!!!" and it was great. But quite blubbery on my part. Ick. The wedding, by the way, was gorgeous and amazing and all I would have imagined it to be. I am so happy for her. And I was so happy to be able to make it to the reception.

But so anyway, I called Elise while coming home from the reception and confessed that I was no longer in the mood to go to this St. Patrick's Day party that I was planning on. I didn't feel like being social anymore...I had just been blubbering. And I was feeling sorry for myself about not being married or having a child (I had just read Dani's blog post of her baby's birth story and was seriously feeling a lot of jealousy). Somehow my mother pulled it out of Elise that I wasn't going to the party anymore, and then I get a text from mother instructing me to go to the party so that I could meet boys.

I just think that I do a very good job of being social and I am only upset about the marriage thing like 1% of my life, so I'm pretty sure that taking ONE night off isn't going to kill me. And by the time I got home I was feeling pretty much better anyway, so that's when I went bowling. See #3.

3. I also partied at the random bowling alley on 3300 South on Friday night. With some buddies. I bowled an 85. Not. too. shabby.

4. The next party took place on Saturday at my cousin Samuel's play. He was a star. Check my instagram for a movie poster-esque ad for the play. It was Shakespeare. Troilus and Cressida. And it was really awesome. Sam was a lead and had to kiss and be all over this girl. I was like, WHOA THERE LITTLE BOY (it was like when Bieber kisses that girl at the end of that Chris Brown video and you mourn the loss of baby bieber). He's 17....but he's my little cousin. It was weird. He's such a doll, though. And the play was intense. I was literally on the edge of my seat. :)

5. Our second roller blading escapade happened this afternoon. We did the usual visits and then we tried to ride past one of those signs that tells cars how much over the speed limit they are going. We were under, just so you know. A whopping 6mph. Pretty sure we are going to try for higher speeds next week. We also got severals offers from boys with bikes to pull us waterski style behind them. I think that sounds delightfully dangerous and it will happen in the near future. But I might buy some knee pads first. Or maybe just the cool-looking wrist guards (because I'm pretty sure I will catch myself with my hands if I fall and my wrists are already fairly fragile).


And there you go. Some random random for your reading pleasure.

that girl.

I have a small sister who, as a 5 year old, called herself Moriah Jo Space.

We don't know why.

Yesterday she texted all of her siblings this message:

"So it has just occurred to me that I should let you guys know your other identities/twins/dopplegangers.....Stephanie: the main girl on 10 things I hate about you. Audrey: Topanga. Andrew: the Luck of the Irish Boy. Elise: Cascada. Mallory: Girl from mean girls with the backwards k on her neck."

I get to hang out with that Sparklepop today. My favorite little Sugardoll.

We are going to the Salt Lake temple together. To do baptisms.

hashtag heart.

Upon request

Attention: based on content, parts of this post might only be visible for a short time. Like a day. So get a peek while you can!

1. In the wise words of Lauren Conrad on The Hills, "they'll send you a text because they know that you just stopped thinking about them. It's like a radar."

2. I found the perfect description for Salt Lake boys. The Mormon Bachelor Pad blog. Remember when that was a thing in like 2010? Well, it's real life. I remembered about that blog yesterday, so I spent some productive time today on a refresher course. I now feel more fully equipped to handle man situations in Salt Lake. Because, seriously. I have never been so repeatedly confused.

Some sample textual messages:
Exhibit A:
(after a bunch of annoying texts where our plans for the next day were cancelled and he could tell I was getting frustrated with his annoyingness.)
boy: (around midnight) just been a rough night lol
me: (the next day) why rough?
boy: (the NEXT day) Cuz I didn't hang out with you lol haha
me: oh boy. what a line. :)

ARE YOU FOR SERIOUS???

same boy, but several days earlier:
me: on a scale of 1 to 10, how awesome would it be if I got a bounce house for my birthday party?
boy: Hmmm 3. I've seen them - they are ok, but they quickly become boring - or maybe 9 since you are going to be in it.

REALLY????
He then proceeded to suggest a mechanical bull. yeah, because those don't quickly become boring.

And by the way, here is the correct answer, as was provided by one favorite boy: "PERFECT 10 FOR 10."

Exhibit B: (my commentary in italics)
boy: would you say that you are on the naughty or nice list? (this one actually happened just before Christmas. And also, who asks questions like this????)
me: What??? nice. obviously.
boy: except you haven't been nice with me because you never want to hang. (I don't even know how to begin to form a response to this one. After several minutes deliberation, I decide to play nice.)
me: haha you have never asked me to hang out!
boy: hahahaa you are a feisty one! (frustration is mounting. "Feisty" is a word I generally use for small, annoying dogs. I am not happy about this. And I'm still trying to figure out what was feisty about that response. There is only one safe thing to say...)
me: :)
boy: well we need to hang (ooooh. maybe this means something will actually happen. I must be encouraging).
me: for sure! give me a day and I'll check my schedule. (because seriously, I have a lot going on all the time, somehow. And looking back, I probably should have just suggested a day or two that worked. But I'm used to BYU boys, and those boys ASK YOU ON DATES.)
boy: We have a busy woman on our hands! (and from this I read, "you are making this too hard for me, I don't want to hang out with you that bad." And then my reply would be, "your loss, dude.")

We ended up hanging out once. And it was one of the more confusing afternoons of my life. I will spare the details.

I don't even know what this is all supposed to mean. It really just means that I have run into a large number of boys that like to play and don't even commit to asking a girl on a date. But why are they so attractive??? It's like, they can get away with all this crap because girls have always allowed it. But seriously, I am not going to play games with you. If you want to get to know me better, invite me to something. Ask me out. I will more than oblige, I will reciprocate, and I will be totally straight up with you. Because seriously, I will not have annoying and cryptic text conversations where I KNOW that you are playing games.

3. The weather was nice today (a balmy 45 degrees), so we went roller blading. I have waited for 5 years to finally live with another person who owns roller blades. Why those things ever went out of style, I will never know. 

So anyway, we went for a ride. Andrea rode a bike and me and Lauren bladed. And we went around our neighborhood and visited our friends. And so begins the 2013 Wheel Gang. Official name and Constitution is forthcoming. It is a "wheel" gang so as not to discriminate against those who don't have bikes or blades. We welcome scooters and boarders and the like. One individual who is currently on the initiation list is planning to bring one of those things that you just wiggle on and it goes back and forth. He assured me that he could keep up. Another gentleman will be bringing his jeep... I might actually discriminate against that.

4. I tried to switch my iTunes to the UK version the other day. It totally works for browsing purposes...but then disappointment reaches an apex when you find out you can't buy anything because your credit card belongs to a US bank. Why don't they let us poor Americans purchase music from across the pond???? I thought that America was the land of freedom. Free to buy whatever music you want. But it is not so. 

Maybe I just need to stop loving UK pop/rap so much. Maybe I need to re-embrace American artists.

But what is happening in American music these days? Only the P!nk and Matt Ruess song. That is the only thing. Even JB is Canadian.

5. This weekend was too fast. Friday I gathered some of my favorite Salt Lake people-- my roommates, Chris, Curtis, and Mark-- to see Oz: The Great and Powerful. It was such a lovely movie. So stylistically cheesy and awesome and I loved it. When trying to convince Curtis to come to the movie I employed the following 5 reasons: 1. James Franco. 2. Mila Kunis. 3. It's both black/white and color. 4. hot air balloon. 5. Aren't you just so curious??? don't you want to know what happens???? His response: "He becomes the wizard and eventually Dorothy shows up to kill both the wicked witches. Sorry to spoil the ending." What a grinch. But he came anyway. After the movie we had a nightcap of orange juice in pretty glasses and told jokes for a while.

Saturday I went shopping for the first time since Christmas!!!! I went a little crazy. I bought a hot air balloon necklace in memory of both "Oz" and my love of hot air balloons. And then we had a birthday party for cool boy Nick. The party consisted of root beer floats, jokes, and lots of cuddles. We were supposed to play sardines at the church but the key wouldn't work after 10pm....and we found that out the hard way.

In closing, let's just say that if certain young men find this blog, I will probably be in a lot of trouble.

In my research

“'Mormonism' has made me all I am; and the grace, the power, and the wisdom of God will make me all that I ever will be, either in time or in eternity.”

-Brigham Young

Sick day

Attention: post written yesterday, on Valentine's Day.

What does Audrey do when she takes the day off because she doesn't feel good?

1. She talks to herself A LOT. I've lost my voice. So it's really funny to hear myself talk. And do you want to know what instinctively comes out when I want to test my voice?? Either the phrase, "can I talk??" or that slightly creepy "Hello, Hello" song you sing in Primary when there's a new kid. Why do I start singing that song???

2. I watch old Cary Grant movies. "I Was A Male War Bride" was briliant and hilarious. I laughed my funny no-voice-laugh a million times. It starts out as your classic "we hate each other" movie and then they decide to get married. She was a Lieutenant in the US Army and he a Captain in the French. So he has to get a visa. It's all legal and everything, but then they won't let him on the ship because his papers say he is a Mrs. You can understand the problem. So they DRESS CARY GRANT UP LIKE A WOMAN. I was rolling. Watch it. Available instantly on Netflix. Made in 1949 and based on a true story.

and..... here's a taste.

3. I watch music videos. Today it was exploration of UK artists. Because I can't deny them attention. so behold. the new British invasion:

Rizzle Kicks. These are the dudes that opened for Ed. And you can totally see Ed in the background of this vid.



The Saturdays. the new Spice Girls.


One Direction. obviously.


Ed Sheeran. obviously.


Olly Murs. this dude opened for 1D and he was rad. Also check out "Troublemaker." Probably my favorite song of his.


Cher Lloyd. infectious.


Adele. doesn't really fit in this category. she is above and beyond. but still.


And the list goes on.

4. I talk to my brother on the phone. That brother of mine was like, "HOLLER IF YOU CAN HEAR ME!!" In the middle of our conversation. And I was like, "HOLLEEEERRRRRRRRR" in my almost-no-voice-that-disappears-when-it-gets-too-high-pitched. And then conversation continued like normal.

5. And then I try to get up the motivation to get out of bed and maybe do the dishes or something. But what is a sick day good for if you still have to do the dishes??

and that's about it. I keep thinking I should read a book or something... but somehow it never happens. All I want to do is go shopping, but I have told myself not to buy any more clothes until Spring is legitimately in the air.

Tonight I'm going to eat dinner with my girl Lauren and then we're going to "Safe Haven" (not my pick) with our fave home teacher, Chris. Seriously one of my favorite people in my ward. Maybe he'll be my Valentine. Attention Rachelle: he looks like a mix between (speaking in code now) that one boy you dated who got engaged on campus while his fiance was wearing her backpack and that other boy you only KIND OF dated who has the same first name as that other boy that you actually did date but then everything blew up bad. Get the picture?

And now I present to you a small sample of textual interactions of the sick day (any other social happening was limited, don't judge):

1. This text from my favorite boy, who I kind of wish was my Valentine: "...being in DC reminds me of you and then a Queen song came on in my head which made me think again. Happy Valentine's day to you!"

2. And then this convo with the one and only Mike Poulson.

Mike: Audrey....
Me: Yeah?
Mike: nothing. I just wanted to text your name with an angry inflection.
Me: Too bad I didn't read it that way. But why angry?
Mike: It was a sudden impulse. No explanations. But now that we're talking, how are you today?
Me: home sick. in bed.
Mike: homesick or at home, sick?
Me: At home, sick. I am going to St. George tonight, though.
Mike: both things sound unfortunate.

I don't know why I still talk to him.

3. Nathan: did you stay at home?
Me: yep. unfortunately.
Nathan: That sounds like it's no fun...except you have a 30 day weekend.  (it's really 5 days)
Me: yeah, but I'd rather have the days spread out.
Nathan: but sick days aren't worth anything if you don't use them.
Me: exactly why I'm still in bed.
Nathan: lol, dork

hey, now. That was uncalled for. not really sure why I still talk to him, either.

4. Elise: I got asked out today by a 32 year old neuro-surgeon from LA for dinner tonight. On Valentine's day. Omg...
Me: So did you say yes? How was dinner?

no response. so rude.

And I guess that's about it. The lame day of a lame Audrey.

hahahahahahah get it? get the pun??

True story.

This conversation took place with my coworkers today. I want to say that names have been changed, but they haven't. This is because the story is mostly about me.

Some background: John hates Valentine's Day. He think it feels contrived and that his wife already knows that he loves her. And he doesn't need a special day to show it. Liz hates Valentine's jewelry commercials and their stupid tag lines. I'm unsure of the reason for this.

And so the conversation went as follows:

John: I hate Valentine's day.
Liz: I hate jewelry commercials.
Jason: But then you can't go to Jared!
Me: (yelled over the cubicles--- I couldn't actually see these people) Yeah, every kiss begins with Kay!!
Me: (to Brooke, who I could see) Oh Em Gee, I'm so glad that every kiss DOESN'T begin with Kay.
Brooke: What?
Me: There would be a whole lot less kisses in the world.
John: Yeah that would be bad.
Brooke: every jewelry store would have to start with "K."

.......pause......

Me: (still processing. and then, in my best explanatory and exclamatory voice:) OH MY GOSH EVERY KISS DOES BEGIN WITH "K"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(John bursts out from behind the cubicle wall, on his wheeled desk chair)
John: What did you just say??????

Extreme laughter from all parties at the expense of Audrey.

I can't believe I never understood that before.

This is like the day when I realized why "The Biggest Loser" is called "The Biggest Loser."

And just for the record, I love Valentine's Day and everything about it. Because why wouldn't I want an extra reason to remind everyone that I love them?

Also just for the record,

THIS:


I feel like this song, WAY MORE than "Suit and Tie," is what we were all waiting for. It's like a hint of classic JT but with some new swag flavor.

And this:


And also this:

Phillip Phillips is coming to Orem in March. And guess who is going to be there? This girl.