Over Christmas break this exchange occurred.
Me: What are you doing the next couple of days?
Jenny: Oh, you know, just hanging out with my best friend Audrey!
yessssssssssssssssssssssssss.
I didn't get to see that Jenn girl until like 11pm on my last night in St. George. I went to her house and we chatted or a couple hours. Did a lot of reminiscing about high school. She had happened to recently find her old yearbooks and we read all our notes to each other--and the ones from Moe. And it was just the best. <3 p="p">
And then the other day, I was up in the conservation lab at work and they had music playing. And a magic song came on-- "Close To You" by The Carpenters. I recognized it and was instantly taken back to my sophomore year of high school....
Jenn had a little, rickety old car that her brother had procured from a coworker at Frostop, the local fast-food drive-in (home to delicious piccadilly chips and crushed raspberry glaciers), for a mere TWENTY FIVE CENTS. She drove that car for, what, 3 years?
We named it Sir Walter Raleigh, after the real Sir Walter who had a rumored affair with Queen Elizabeth. Obviously a gentleman, and a ladies man. And a Seadog, of course.
Sir Walter had his problems. He liked to stall at intersections. And one time he wouldn't start at all, so Jenny had us push him down a hill (while she was in the driver's seat, of course), and like magic, he roared to life. And when he was struggling, we would pat the dash lovingly and coo, "you can do it Sir Walter!"
If I remember correctly, Sir Walter had an outstanding cassette tape player. And the only tape in the car was a compilation of songs by The Carpenters. It's funny, though, because the only song I ever remember listening to on that tape was "Close To You." I think we re-wound it and played it over and over and we sang really loud.
And so, standing at the counter in the conservation lab, organizing photographs from somebody's mission to the DR, I smiled and wished I was 15 years old with my Moe and my Jen, giggling and singing in Sir Walter Raleigh.
The End.
Showing posts with label Dixie High School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dixie High School. Show all posts
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Empty Chairs and Empty Tables
That has always been my favorite part.
And the movie did not disappoint.
I waited several days to see Les Miserables for a couple reasons:
1. I was worried about Anne Hathaway
2. I wanted a little bit of the hype to die before I walked in to have my experience. It wasn't about excitement for me--but for experience.
Because it was an experience. The movie ended and my roommates immediately started to grab and their stuff and stand up. And this is where I start to have a panic attack---amidst my efforts to remember how to move and what my own name is---I didn't go over the movie-watching-experience rules with Andrea and Lauren. It so wasn't their fault.
I do not move after seeing a movie such as the one we just saw. And I don't want anyone to tell me to move. I do not speak. And I don't want to be asked any questions. Particularly the one that goes, "so what'd you think??" Like it was some trivial something that will be forgotten in 5 minutes. Like it was something that I could produce a fully-formed, logical and structured opinion on within seconds. My blog readers know these rules... but the roommates did not. When they noticed I had not moved at all when they had stood, they say back down to wait.
And I simmered. Because that is what you do. You have to soak it in---mind blank. You listen to the music and watch the credits and you just process for a while. Until you are ready to stand.
And then you stand, and you leave, and you do not say a word.
Les Miserables is a very personal story. Many, many people have a very private connection to the show, the story, the book, the music, the whole concept. It is about humanity and God and people and love and sacrifice and it is entirely relatable and tragic and beautiful. It's like Marius says so correctly in his weary solo: "there's a grief that can't be spoken..." It's hard to describe how people feel about this show. Despite knowing the musical word for word (and almost mouthing it all, breathlessly, throughout the movie), I can't say that I love it or appreciate it more than the average person. Even though I had tears in my eyes from the second the music started out of pure nostalgia---I can't say it's a part of me more than anyone else can.
And that is amazing. We all share it. It's a reverent thing, almost. And I love that we can connect in such a story of hope and Christianity.
As a sophomore in high school and a member of the large ensemble in our production of Les Mis, I used to sit in the audience during rehearsal and just stare. I couldn't believe that I was a part of something so amazing. I wanted to share is with everyone I knew. I used to fall asleep to the finale track. And when we performed our show, we sang the last strains of "Do You Hear the People Sing," and we would all be crying too, along with the audience, and then the lights would go out, and it would be over, and we would scramble to the hallways to greet our friends and family, hoping that the story we had just told would have the same effect on them that it had had on us. It was partially because of the applause and the joys or performing, but overwhelmingly is was because of the music and story. And it is something I will never forget.
And so, besides the emotion and feeling and story and the triumph of it all, this is what I take away from the movie:
1. It is much more religious than I had ever realized. Somehow.
2. Javert may be the one who is to be the most pitied.
3. Anne Hathaway really, really did an amazing job. I have no complaints about her performance. I might have to start liking her now.
4. Marius is such a man.
5. Russell Crowe's face is too nice for Javert. But maybe they did that on purpose.
6. What would have been Act 1 had this been on the stage was much more emotional for me than Act 2, which is an interesting twist. I'm usually in the most pain around the barricade.
I will see it again. But probably not for a while. I don't know if it is a movie I will own. It seems like watching it on my own TV will cheapen it somehow.
And so Andrea and Lauren, that is what I thought.
And the movie did not disappoint.
I waited several days to see Les Miserables for a couple reasons:
1. I was worried about Anne Hathaway
2. I wanted a little bit of the hype to die before I walked in to have my experience. It wasn't about excitement for me--but for experience.
Because it was an experience. The movie ended and my roommates immediately started to grab and their stuff and stand up. And this is where I start to have a panic attack---amidst my efforts to remember how to move and what my own name is---I didn't go over the movie-watching-experience rules with Andrea and Lauren. It so wasn't their fault.
I do not move after seeing a movie such as the one we just saw. And I don't want anyone to tell me to move. I do not speak. And I don't want to be asked any questions. Particularly the one that goes, "so what'd you think??" Like it was some trivial something that will be forgotten in 5 minutes. Like it was something that I could produce a fully-formed, logical and structured opinion on within seconds. My blog readers know these rules... but the roommates did not. When they noticed I had not moved at all when they had stood, they say back down to wait.
And I simmered. Because that is what you do. You have to soak it in---mind blank. You listen to the music and watch the credits and you just process for a while. Until you are ready to stand.
And then you stand, and you leave, and you do not say a word.
Les Miserables is a very personal story. Many, many people have a very private connection to the show, the story, the book, the music, the whole concept. It is about humanity and God and people and love and sacrifice and it is entirely relatable and tragic and beautiful. It's like Marius says so correctly in his weary solo: "there's a grief that can't be spoken..." It's hard to describe how people feel about this show. Despite knowing the musical word for word (and almost mouthing it all, breathlessly, throughout the movie), I can't say that I love it or appreciate it more than the average person. Even though I had tears in my eyes from the second the music started out of pure nostalgia---I can't say it's a part of me more than anyone else can.
And that is amazing. We all share it. It's a reverent thing, almost. And I love that we can connect in such a story of hope and Christianity.
As a sophomore in high school and a member of the large ensemble in our production of Les Mis, I used to sit in the audience during rehearsal and just stare. I couldn't believe that I was a part of something so amazing. I wanted to share is with everyone I knew. I used to fall asleep to the finale track. And when we performed our show, we sang the last strains of "Do You Hear the People Sing," and we would all be crying too, along with the audience, and then the lights would go out, and it would be over, and we would scramble to the hallways to greet our friends and family, hoping that the story we had just told would have the same effect on them that it had had on us. It was partially because of the applause and the joys or performing, but overwhelmingly is was because of the music and story. And it is something I will never forget.
And so, besides the emotion and feeling and story and the triumph of it all, this is what I take away from the movie:
1. It is much more religious than I had ever realized. Somehow.
2. Javert may be the one who is to be the most pitied.
3. Anne Hathaway really, really did an amazing job. I have no complaints about her performance. I might have to start liking her now.
4. Marius is such a man.
5. Russell Crowe's face is too nice for Javert. But maybe they did that on purpose.
6. What would have been Act 1 had this been on the stage was much more emotional for me than Act 2, which is an interesting twist. I'm usually in the most pain around the barricade.
I will see it again. But probably not for a while. I don't know if it is a movie I will own. It seems like watching it on my own TV will cheapen it somehow.
And so Andrea and Lauren, that is what I thought.
Friday, April 29, 2011
O Dixie We Love Thee
So I know I have a lot to catch up on, and don't worry, there are great posts in the works. But this post demands immediate attention.
You all know how much I love my alma mater, Dixie High School. I have school spirit steaming out my ears (still, after 5 years). Many of you also know about a lovely little tradition called the Bucket Run.
It's done once a year, on the Friday of "D Week," also known as, "D Day." Other D Day events include class olympics, a senior showoff talent show, and the ceremonial annual painting of the "DIXIE" on the Sugar Loaf (a red mountain just up from the Boulevard in St. George). Only the "Diamond D's" get to paint the Dixie. And you can guess that I was one of those lucky few.
So the Bucket Run is a relay race. Kind of. There's only one team. The current senior class competes with all senior classes before them. In 2006, when I was a senior, the record had just been beaten by the class of 2005 the year before. The race starts at the high school and goes up Main Street to the aforementioned Sugar Loaf. At the bottom of the mountain, there is some sort of device built by the current senior class to get the bucket to the top. In theory, the bucket holds the paint that will be used to paint the "Dixie." Within the last 40 or so years, though, they started using the same bucket every year, and just left the paint out. It was heavy and slowed people down. So they still use the same bucket and it's a duct taped and trashed. But so historic, right?
The following video is the 2006 Bucket Run. Yes, those are my classmates. Aren't they cool? ha.
Anyway, that's a little bit of the background.
This year is Dixie High School's centennial year. That makes this year's Bucket Run the 100th. For the Centennial Bucket Run, they did things a little bit different. First of all, they've had to update the route a little bit. A new road to the top of the hill was built, and we were able to maintain the old one for the past couple of years to maintain the integrity of the Bucket Run, but with the 100 year mark, the administration decided that it was a good time to give it up (which is sad, but you move on). But, with the new route, there has to be a new record. That means that the class of 2005 record stands-- and the 2011 Bucket Run sets the new record.
The second change is that the class of 2011 still did their thing, but running alongside them was a Bucket Run team of alumni. Yep, you guessed it. I. ran. the. Bucket. Run. Today. TODAY. I didn't run it when I was a senior because I'm, well, not a runner. I don't really run. They basically had try-outs and practices and it was all intense and despite my school spirit, I couldn't bring myself to participate and ruin it for everyone because of my incompetence. All the track/cross country/soccer/football people ran. You know, you have to be serious about these sorts of things if you want to claim the title (which we didn't anyway).
So I made my brother come with me. I picked him up this morning a little before 6, we met up with all the alumni (there were only about 33 of us), and then got in trucks to be dropped of at our spots along the relay. And I was SO nervous!!! What if I dropped the bucket??!?! WHAT IF?
Luckily, I didn't. I ran really hard (but probably not very fast), and was a little queasy after.
And you know what? We totally trashed the class of 2011. By like 18 seconds (I promise that's a long time). Poor high school kids. Beaten by mighty Dixie alumni. I was on the alumni team, and we STILL won. But do you know what that means? I was a member of the Bucket Run team that currently holds the record. I am a Bucket Run record holder. And honestly, not a lot of people can say that!!!
After the race was over, we all met up on the Sugar Loaf-- and both teams got in a circle and sang our beloved high school hymn together ("O Dixie We Love Thee"). Precious moment.
I rock. The Bucket Run rocks. Dixie High School rocks. Yay 100 years of the happiness that is DHS.
And because I know you want more information on Dixie's centennial, you can go to the blog: http://dixie100.blogspot.com/. There is an awesome "This Day in Dixie history" calendar that shows events at Dixie High School from the past 100 years. I just want to shower presents upon whoever took the time to create this blog, because it is a masterpiece.
You all know how much I love my alma mater, Dixie High School. I have school spirit steaming out my ears (still, after 5 years). Many of you also know about a lovely little tradition called the Bucket Run.
It's done once a year, on the Friday of "D Week," also known as, "D Day." Other D Day events include class olympics, a senior showoff talent show, and the ceremonial annual painting of the "DIXIE" on the Sugar Loaf (a red mountain just up from the Boulevard in St. George). Only the "Diamond D's" get to paint the Dixie. And you can guess that I was one of those lucky few.
 |
| me being lowered over the cliff.. to paint |
So the Bucket Run is a relay race. Kind of. There's only one team. The current senior class competes with all senior classes before them. In 2006, when I was a senior, the record had just been beaten by the class of 2005 the year before. The race starts at the high school and goes up Main Street to the aforementioned Sugar Loaf. At the bottom of the mountain, there is some sort of device built by the current senior class to get the bucket to the top. In theory, the bucket holds the paint that will be used to paint the "Dixie." Within the last 40 or so years, though, they started using the same bucket every year, and just left the paint out. It was heavy and slowed people down. So they still use the same bucket and it's a duct taped and trashed. But so historic, right?
The following video is the 2006 Bucket Run. Yes, those are my classmates. Aren't they cool? ha.
Anyway, that's a little bit of the background.
This year is Dixie High School's centennial year. That makes this year's Bucket Run the 100th. For the Centennial Bucket Run, they did things a little bit different. First of all, they've had to update the route a little bit. A new road to the top of the hill was built, and we were able to maintain the old one for the past couple of years to maintain the integrity of the Bucket Run, but with the 100 year mark, the administration decided that it was a good time to give it up (which is sad, but you move on). But, with the new route, there has to be a new record. That means that the class of 2005 record stands-- and the 2011 Bucket Run sets the new record.
The second change is that the class of 2011 still did their thing, but running alongside them was a Bucket Run team of alumni. Yep, you guessed it. I. ran. the. Bucket. Run. Today. TODAY. I didn't run it when I was a senior because I'm, well, not a runner. I don't really run. They basically had try-outs and practices and it was all intense and despite my school spirit, I couldn't bring myself to participate and ruin it for everyone because of my incompetence. All the track/cross country/soccer/football people ran. You know, you have to be serious about these sorts of things if you want to claim the title (which we didn't anyway).
So I made my brother come with me. I picked him up this morning a little before 6, we met up with all the alumni (there were only about 33 of us), and then got in trucks to be dropped of at our spots along the relay. And I was SO nervous!!! What if I dropped the bucket??!?! WHAT IF?
Luckily, I didn't. I ran really hard (but probably not very fast), and was a little queasy after.
And you know what? We totally trashed the class of 2011. By like 18 seconds (I promise that's a long time). Poor high school kids. Beaten by mighty Dixie alumni. I was on the alumni team, and we STILL won. But do you know what that means? I was a member of the Bucket Run team that currently holds the record. I am a Bucket Run record holder. And honestly, not a lot of people can say that!!!
 |
| Me and brother-- on the top of the Sugar Loaf. Isn't my city beautiful? You can even see the "D" in the background. |
After the race was over, we all met up on the Sugar Loaf-- and both teams got in a circle and sang our beloved high school hymn together ("O Dixie We Love Thee"). Precious moment.
I rock. The Bucket Run rocks. Dixie High School rocks. Yay 100 years of the happiness that is DHS.
And because I know you want more information on Dixie's centennial, you can go to the blog: http://dixie100.blogspot.com/. There is an awesome "This Day in Dixie history" calendar that shows events at Dixie High School from the past 100 years. I just want to shower presents upon whoever took the time to create this blog, because it is a masterpiece.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Audrey as a high school student
So, in my teaching writing class we have been talking about grading. I've had a very easy time relating to the material and discussion because if there was one thing on my mind in high school, it was grades and looking smart. And that isn't really an exaggeration. I was obsessed with them. So, I thought I would let my blog readers in on my high school grade (and school in general) obsession. If you knew me in high school, just sit back and laugh at my past insanity.
And I present....
Audrey's life as a high schooler (WARNING: this is the story of arrogant little high school Audrey who thought she was smarter than most people and wanted everyone to know. Now, I just think it is funny).
1. The habit of checking my grades on PowerSchool. As a sophomore I checked my grades at least once a day. Usually more. Everyday, after eating lunch, I would hand my watch to the nearest friend and tell them to time me while I checked my grades in a minute or less. I would then dash away, run to the computer lab, log on, look at all my A's, log out, and then dash back to wherever I had left my watch and friend timing me. Now why did I do this? I don't know. I liked checking my grades.
The following years my grade-checking only increased. Multiple times a day. I always just wanted to make sure. And I wanted to see new scores posted. I wanted to look at more A's. A is for Audrey, you know.
2. Compulsive need to get only A's. I had goals, okay? And sometimes I had to use my powers of persuasion to get those A's. In health class sophomore year, I failed the quiz on the male reproductive system. Why would I ever want to study for that? It was awkward and I was immature. Needless to say, when I checked my grades in a minute or less the next day, my grade had dropped to an A-, and the semester was coming to an end. I PANICKED. I went to Mr. Bair and told him the situation. He told me to make up my own extra credit, do it, and then he would see how many points it was worth. So you know what I did? Made the man a QUOTE BOOK, complete with cover, graphics, binding, and multiple pages of awesome quotes (He put quotes up on his board everyday...). And you know what else? I got an A in the class.
One time I got a C on a paper for Mrs. Smyly in AP Lit. TERROR, right? I was traumatized. I will forever hate the book it was about- Josef Conrad's Heart of Darkness. The book was dumb anyway.
I failed a test one time in Mrs. Suddreth's Algebra 2 class. I had been absent for color guard and didn't know we were going to have a test somehow. Luckily, Mrs. Suddreth allowed re-takes. I retook the test after studying and got 100%. BAM.
Mrs. Smyly almost gave me an A- once. I cried. And freaked out. I found out that Kennedy Clayton was getting an A- too, but that Mrs. Smyly had bumped her up. So I talked to Mrs. Smyly. I got an A. BUT, it was such a close call that at the end of the quarter when they passed out money for 4.0s, I kept the paperclip that attached my $10 to the report card. It is still in my wallet. It is a symbol, okay?
Do I feel guilty about complaining and doing extra credit to get a couple A's? No, not really. I worked DANG HARD in high school, and I deserved those A's. Plus, in this specific situation with Mrs. Smyly, I had missed enough participation points to drop me the grade because I had gone to Provo with my family to take Andrew to the MTC. But she wouldn't excuse it and give me back the points. But hey, I made her see reason.
So Mrs. Smyly gave me a lot of stress about my grade. And man, the participation/attendance point issue was a struggle. I remember one particular instance where I stayed home from school all day because I had THE FLU, but I got out of bed and went to Smyly's class. I couldn't miss the points. I probably infected everyone in the class, but dang it, I got my A.
3. History classes. They were pretty much my favorite thing. Honors World Civ, AP US history, and AP European history. The best classes at Dixie High. Thank you Mr. Wegkamp and Mrs. Howell, you are fantastic. You are the reason I am going to school to be a history teacher.
I used to study so hard for those classes. I went in to take the tests without having any questions and I always knew everything. (So different from now might I add).
K, I just want to paint a picture for you here. This is what happened before and on test days in those classes.
First, review games. What could possibly be greater? My excitement for these review games was just ridiculous. I HAD TO WIN. I studied for the reviews, okay? They were usually the kind of games where the teacher asks a question and then teams of 4 or 5 would have to buzz in and then give an answer. And extra credit was usually attached. I was obsessed with extra credit. I didn't need it. I just wanted it. (In fact, I used to work extra hard on Mrs. Howell's assignments and color code the outlines just so she would write "wow" at the top of the page and give me a "+2" next to my score.)
Okay, imagine a review game team for AP US history composed of me, Braidy Bundy, Kennedy Clayton, Moe, and Jen. It was a DREAM TEAM. And we fought hard. We argued our answers and the scores, told each other what to say when it wasn't out turn... all for points. We had the knowledge... sometimes the rules just went out the window a little bit. One day, when our team was accused of cheating in AP Gov, Braidy was like, "Well, if you're not cheating, you're not trying!" Okay, Braidy, you are awesome. I mean, sometimes things got heated, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to win.
Me and Braidy were together in AP Euro too. And we always won. Well, most of the time. But I was a ferocious review game player. I would get nervous before class, but would just be so excited. My competitive edge would come out and rear its head, and I would attack, leaving a pile of bodies whose brains contained less historical knowledge than mine. It was so great.
Second, after review games came... the test.
I remember one particular instance- and I kid you not- two girls in my class actually asked if they could touch me before the test. They were joking, but seriously. That was ridiculous.
In World Civ and AP US the pattern for tests was the same. We took a multiple choice test, turned in the scantrons, and then wrote an essay. While we were all furiously writing those essays, the teacher would go and run the tests through the scantron machine and quickly determine who had the high scores.
Then, at the end of the class period, when every one was turning their essay in, the names of the high scorers would be read aloud. And honestly, I looked forward to this part the very most. I was just so excited to hear my name read aloud and written on the board again. I honestly don't remember a time that I didn't get one of the high scores. I don't think it ever happened in world civ. Might've happened in AP US. Not sure. But I fed off that praise. It only served as motivation.
4. What else? I did homework all the time. When I was in the school musical every year, I would spend much of rehearsal and actual performance time sitting in the hall outside the auditorium studying- trying to catch up on the missed days of school for matinee performances. I was crazy. One time Mr. Saxton mentioned my devotion to schoolwork to the rest of the cast, recommending that they do the same. I glowed.
The summary of this high school obsession with being smart and getting the best grades? It was stressful. Unhealthy, even. It was compulsive. (I did have a lot of fun in high school, though. I just had to make time for it. I loved high school significantly more than the average person, I would say.) I would even go so far as to say that my need to get good grades was directly tied to my self-worth. It blocked insecurity and made me feel important. I needed those good grades to feel good about myself. I really think that is true. I used to wonder to myself, "what would I do if I got an A-??" And my answer would be, "that's not possible. It won't happen. I just don't know what I would do." The whole idea just freaked me out. I would start panicking just thinking about it. I had to only get A's, and I HAD to be valedictorian.
Luckily, I was successful, and if anything made the struggle and stress worth it, it was sitting on the stand at graduation and cracking jokes during my speech.
After writing this, I have a small idea forming... what if I could apply this devotion, focus, and fantastic study skill to school NOW? What if?
Nah, I'm far too lazy these days. I've realized (and am more healthy now) that I don't need straight A's to be happy. Life, I've come to learn, is about so much more than that. :)
And I present....
Audrey's life as a high schooler (WARNING: this is the story of arrogant little high school Audrey who thought she was smarter than most people and wanted everyone to know. Now, I just think it is funny).
1. The habit of checking my grades on PowerSchool. As a sophomore I checked my grades at least once a day. Usually more. Everyday, after eating lunch, I would hand my watch to the nearest friend and tell them to time me while I checked my grades in a minute or less. I would then dash away, run to the computer lab, log on, look at all my A's, log out, and then dash back to wherever I had left my watch and friend timing me. Now why did I do this? I don't know. I liked checking my grades.
The following years my grade-checking only increased. Multiple times a day. I always just wanted to make sure. And I wanted to see new scores posted. I wanted to look at more A's. A is for Audrey, you know.
2. Compulsive need to get only A's. I had goals, okay? And sometimes I had to use my powers of persuasion to get those A's. In health class sophomore year, I failed the quiz on the male reproductive system. Why would I ever want to study for that? It was awkward and I was immature. Needless to say, when I checked my grades in a minute or less the next day, my grade had dropped to an A-, and the semester was coming to an end. I PANICKED. I went to Mr. Bair and told him the situation. He told me to make up my own extra credit, do it, and then he would see how many points it was worth. So you know what I did? Made the man a QUOTE BOOK, complete with cover, graphics, binding, and multiple pages of awesome quotes (He put quotes up on his board everyday...). And you know what else? I got an A in the class.
One time I got a C on a paper for Mrs. Smyly in AP Lit. TERROR, right? I was traumatized. I will forever hate the book it was about- Josef Conrad's Heart of Darkness. The book was dumb anyway.
I failed a test one time in Mrs. Suddreth's Algebra 2 class. I had been absent for color guard and didn't know we were going to have a test somehow. Luckily, Mrs. Suddreth allowed re-takes. I retook the test after studying and got 100%. BAM.
Mrs. Smyly almost gave me an A- once. I cried. And freaked out. I found out that Kennedy Clayton was getting an A- too, but that Mrs. Smyly had bumped her up. So I talked to Mrs. Smyly. I got an A. BUT, it was such a close call that at the end of the quarter when they passed out money for 4.0s, I kept the paperclip that attached my $10 to the report card. It is still in my wallet. It is a symbol, okay?
Do I feel guilty about complaining and doing extra credit to get a couple A's? No, not really. I worked DANG HARD in high school, and I deserved those A's. Plus, in this specific situation with Mrs. Smyly, I had missed enough participation points to drop me the grade because I had gone to Provo with my family to take Andrew to the MTC. But she wouldn't excuse it and give me back the points. But hey, I made her see reason.
So Mrs. Smyly gave me a lot of stress about my grade. And man, the participation/attendance point issue was a struggle. I remember one particular instance where I stayed home from school all day because I had THE FLU, but I got out of bed and went to Smyly's class. I couldn't miss the points. I probably infected everyone in the class, but dang it, I got my A.
3. History classes. They were pretty much my favorite thing. Honors World Civ, AP US history, and AP European history. The best classes at Dixie High. Thank you Mr. Wegkamp and Mrs. Howell, you are fantastic. You are the reason I am going to school to be a history teacher.
I used to study so hard for those classes. I went in to take the tests without having any questions and I always knew everything. (So different from now might I add).
K, I just want to paint a picture for you here. This is what happened before and on test days in those classes.
First, review games. What could possibly be greater? My excitement for these review games was just ridiculous. I HAD TO WIN. I studied for the reviews, okay? They were usually the kind of games where the teacher asks a question and then teams of 4 or 5 would have to buzz in and then give an answer. And extra credit was usually attached. I was obsessed with extra credit. I didn't need it. I just wanted it. (In fact, I used to work extra hard on Mrs. Howell's assignments and color code the outlines just so she would write "wow" at the top of the page and give me a "+2" next to my score.)
Okay, imagine a review game team for AP US history composed of me, Braidy Bundy, Kennedy Clayton, Moe, and Jen. It was a DREAM TEAM. And we fought hard. We argued our answers and the scores, told each other what to say when it wasn't out turn... all for points. We had the knowledge... sometimes the rules just went out the window a little bit. One day, when our team was accused of cheating in AP Gov, Braidy was like, "Well, if you're not cheating, you're not trying!" Okay, Braidy, you are awesome. I mean, sometimes things got heated, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to win.
Me and Braidy were together in AP Euro too. And we always won. Well, most of the time. But I was a ferocious review game player. I would get nervous before class, but would just be so excited. My competitive edge would come out and rear its head, and I would attack, leaving a pile of bodies whose brains contained less historical knowledge than mine. It was so great.
Second, after review games came... the test.
I remember one particular instance- and I kid you not- two girls in my class actually asked if they could touch me before the test. They were joking, but seriously. That was ridiculous.
In World Civ and AP US the pattern for tests was the same. We took a multiple choice test, turned in the scantrons, and then wrote an essay. While we were all furiously writing those essays, the teacher would go and run the tests through the scantron machine and quickly determine who had the high scores.
Then, at the end of the class period, when every one was turning their essay in, the names of the high scorers would be read aloud. And honestly, I looked forward to this part the very most. I was just so excited to hear my name read aloud and written on the board again. I honestly don't remember a time that I didn't get one of the high scores. I don't think it ever happened in world civ. Might've happened in AP US. Not sure. But I fed off that praise. It only served as motivation.
4. What else? I did homework all the time. When I was in the school musical every year, I would spend much of rehearsal and actual performance time sitting in the hall outside the auditorium studying- trying to catch up on the missed days of school for matinee performances. I was crazy. One time Mr. Saxton mentioned my devotion to schoolwork to the rest of the cast, recommending that they do the same. I glowed.
The summary of this high school obsession with being smart and getting the best grades? It was stressful. Unhealthy, even. It was compulsive. (I did have a lot of fun in high school, though. I just had to make time for it. I loved high school significantly more than the average person, I would say.) I would even go so far as to say that my need to get good grades was directly tied to my self-worth. It blocked insecurity and made me feel important. I needed those good grades to feel good about myself. I really think that is true. I used to wonder to myself, "what would I do if I got an A-??" And my answer would be, "that's not possible. It won't happen. I just don't know what I would do." The whole idea just freaked me out. I would start panicking just thinking about it. I had to only get A's, and I HAD to be valedictorian.
Luckily, I was successful, and if anything made the struggle and stress worth it, it was sitting on the stand at graduation and cracking jokes during my speech.
After writing this, I have a small idea forming... what if I could apply this devotion, focus, and fantastic study skill to school NOW? What if?
Nah, I'm far too lazy these days. I've realized (and am more healthy now) that I don't need straight A's to be happy. Life, I've come to learn, is about so much more than that. :)
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